The Truth about Trust

Honesty Online

2011-11-04T11:27:00.001+11:00

As my son, Lachlan, was tapping away in a Facebook chat with his girlfriend, I was thinking about how the internet, social media, emails, smsing, etc has changed the way we communicate, particularly from a trust point of view.

I know myself that, sometimes, it’s easier to write things down, type them, sms or email them than it is to say things directly to someone. My husband, Peter, sms’s me lovely things when I’m travelling that I don’t think he’s ever said to my face! J

There seems to be a freedom for honesty that is available online that we have lost, or maybe never really developed as a skill in our face to face relationships. This has its positives (the lovely sms’s while I’m away), and it’s negatives (the dreadful, rude comments that people feel free to make in blogs, on Facebook and YouTube).

What’s the answer?

I think we need to develop some better skills to have open and honest conversations with people – with our family members, with our managers and employees, with our friends
Coupled with that, we need to remember that we are all connected, we share the same spirit, and we are to ‘Love our neighbour as ourselves’ – when we say harmful things to others without considering how they might feel or whether it’s OK for you to share those thoughts then, in that way, we ultimately harm ourselves

I know I’m guilty of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time in the wrong way, thinking of myself and not putting myself in the other person’s shoes. It’s something I think humanity needs to be very mindful of in an era where ‘being honest’ has been made easy to forget that there is another human being on the other side.

Prenuptials or ENPs?

2011-10-19T11:02:00.001+11:00

Yesterday I was reading an article about the rise of Prenuptial Agreements, particularly amongst those who were marrying for the second or subsequent time (once bitten twice shy!).

Although Peter and I also entered into a Prenuptial Agreement, more to ensure that his children could be comfortable knowing I was marrying him for love and nothing more, we also did something far more important than that – we entered into an ENP Agreement.

ENPs® or Expectations, Needs and Promises, form the base foundation of trust. Understanding what we each expected of each other, what we needed from each other, and what we were prepared to promise each other was a critical part of our decision to marry or not.

The reality is, if Peter expected and needed things from me that I was not prepared to promise him, then the marriage would have failed, or certainly would have been extremely volatile and unhappy. Same goes the other way.

We spent a couple of sessions, over cups of tea, over glasses of wine, talking through different expectations in different circumstances, the reason why some needs were more important than others, and so on.

We then summarised these into our wedding vows – so instead of exchanging the traditional vows, we exchanged ‘ENPs®’, and then also exchanged ‘eggs’, in this case Jade painted eggs, as a representation of the trust we were placing in each other – trust that sat on a balance of those ENPs®. This is the base of the model for trust that we use in all kinds of relationships, that entente teaches and coaches.

You can watch the video of our ENP exchange here.

I guess the thing that struck me when I was reading that article, was that if couples spent as much time planning what they wanted in and for their relationship as they do working out what they will get when it breaks down, how different might their marriage be?

You are traffic

2011-09-30T08:57:00.000+10:00

I was driving one day in horrendous traffic, well, I was crawling, I should say, and was getting more and more frustrated at the snail's pace we were moving. 'I'm a busy lady. I have things to do, a meeting to get to. I hate traffic!', I was saying to myself while trying to find some quiet music to calm myself down.

Just then I saw it. Nailed to a wooden telegraph pole was a sign, in red lettering - 'You are traffic'. I thought about it, and smiled.

Of course, to the person sitting in their car behind me I was just 'traffic'. I was part of the problem.

When I talk to people in corporations about what can be done to build more trust internally, with customers, in their brand, in their leadership, a common response I hear is 'But we are ok, it's the 'whatever' department that needs this more than we do', or 'You should talk to the customer service team, not marketing or sales'.

I smile, and tell them 'You are traffic'.

You can’t trust Real Estate Agents

2011-09-22T12:26:00.000+10:00

I didn’t say that!

I was reading the GoodWeekend Magazine while watching the gentle waves roll in on the quiet beach at Terrigal on the Central Coast on NSW, about 2 hours from where I live, and saw the heading ‘Taking on Trust’ in an article by Jane Cadzow called ‘Realty Bites’.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that the word ‘trust’ jumps off the page at me (in fact, lots of people send me links to articles and reports on anything about trust that they stumble upon). So I read the article.

Bill Malouf, one of Australia’s most successful real estate agents, selling top end properties, mostly in Sydney’s eastern suburbs, says ‘Next to used-car salesmen, we’re right on the bottom rung. ...And we’re at that level because of the dishonesty, a lack of credibility, a lack of trust, a lack of information.’

Interesting that he sees things this way himself. I thought it was just those of us who have had shocking experiences with Real Estate Agents that found that. Then, the last few surveys of 'Australia's Most Trusted Professions' by Readers Digest have found Real Estate Agents on the least trusted professions list, sitting at 42 out of 45 in 2011

I’ve reflected, in fact talked to a number of Real Estate Agents myself, to determine exactly what it is that leaves them sitting so low in the trustworthy ratings. Here’s what I know:

Mismatch of expectations:

The Real Estate Agent sits between a seller who wants the highest price for their property and a buyer who wants to get it for the lowest price possible.

While most people buying a house know that the agent is really representing the seller, at the end of the day, they don’t make their money until the property is sold. A slight conflict of interests arise.

Dishonesty by the seller

Every agent I’ve spoken to over the past few years has said that the seller most often will not disclose just exactly how much they expect to get for their property, or how much they need to pay out the loan. Why would they? If they were hoping to get $600,000 for their property, but they only had $400,000 to pay out on their loan, the agent may well settle for less in terms of an offer from a buyer in order to move the property off their books quickly.

Unrealistic expectations from the seller

I’ve heard this one plenty of times from agents. Often the seller is not in touch with the market, but has an expectation of what they want for their property that may be well of the mark. A good, trusting agent, will take the time to manage their expectations, to show them what is selling that is comparable to their property. Then agents have told me that, if they do that, and another agent comes along and says ‘Yeah, sure, I can get that price for you.’ Who are they going to go with? They’ll list with the agent who promises what they expect over an agent who is trying to tell them their property is not worth that much.

We all are drawn to people who promise us what we expect and need, so a trust relationship is formed with a not so trustworthy agent – interesting. Of course, what happens is that the agent who promised the world to get the listing then cannot sell the property for that price. The agent pressures them to sell at what is a more realistic price, and the seller is annoyed, or even angry, because they now feel betrayed and let down. The trust that was formed to get the deal is now broken by the reality of the market.

The key thing to note, and I know, because I’ve fallen into the same trap and been let down myself in the past, is that you will naturally be drawn to the agent that tells you what you want to hear. But do your homework – maybe the agent who is trying to manage your expectations is the one you should be listening to.

Do you know your neighbour?

2011-09-12T15:05:00.000+10:00

No, not those neighbours! In a world that increasingly sees us sitting inside in front of a computer, a TV or a Playstation, and no longer sitting outside watching kids play in the street, many countries are reporting a slide in communities and a common trend – ‘I don’t know my neighbours’.

In the USA, Jennifer Ferro, the GM of Santa Monica radio station KCRW, saw a man with a rifle walking down her street. She says:

That night, with my kids asleep, my husband out of town and my dogs quiet, I watched that shotgun and the man carrying it as he walked past all my neighbors’ homes. I realized I couldn’t warn them. I didn’t have everyone’s number anymore.

What has caused this decline? Why don’t we take the time to know our own neighbours anymore?

With children in some neighbourhoods often going to different schools, and then engaging in extra curricular activities, they are no longer uniting families like they used to.

In more affluent suburbs, it’s the gardener out in the front yard, not the homeowner. Cars are not being washed in the driveway, but taken to the ‘carwash cafés’. And who’s borrowing the cup of sugar anymore?

One of the things I talk about that is key to building trust in a community (a neighbourhood, a team, any group of people, really), is to discover and agree on the common ground – what is the one thing that unites us? What holds us together, that we all agree is worth working towards or nurturing?

The things that used to unite communities is no longer there to anywhere near the same degree, so we need to discover a new ‘common ground’.

Maybe it’s the environment. Maybe it’s a ‘Tidy Town’ or ‘Best Street’ award. Maybe it’s a BBQ, or an anti-crime group. Maybe it’s car-pooling, or a shared vegetable garden. Maybe it’s keeping our children safe.

Whatever it is, it needs to be something everyone agrees to, and then works towards.

Why are you stressed?

2011-09-09T12:48:00.001+10:00

Are your people performing at their best when they are stressed out, conflicted, confused, annoyed, disappointed, or angry?

Of course not! However, studies around the globe report stress as the number one reason for employee turnover, stress related presenteeism and absenteeism are directly costing Australian employers $10.11 billion a year, and, according to a report by Beyond Blue, each year, undiagnosed depression in the workplace costs $4.3 billion in lost productivity and this excludes workcover/insurance claims, part-time or casual employees, retrenchment, recruitment and training.

The simplest way to explain how these negative feelings and emotions are caused is by applying ENPs® - that’s Expectations, Needs and Promises.

When an employee has expectations and needs of his or her role, of the manager, and of the organisation, and some of those expectations and needs are not met, that creates stress, disappointment, and sometimes anger – the degree to which they feel and then respond depends on how important those expectations and needs were to them.

When an employer makes promises to the employee, through branding, communications, behaviour, and those promises could be explicit or implicit, the employee is relying on those promises being kept – especially when they match the employees expectations and needs.

When promises are not kept, deliberately or unintentionally doesn’t matter, that causes stress, conflict, disappointment, anger…..

When ENPs® are not met, you have problems – your people are distracted, sick, and are not performing, and the consequences of ENPs not being recognised, evaluated, communicated and rebuilt is the direct and indirect costs that are continuing to escalate for organisations around the globe.

However, when ENPs® are understood, communicated, and worked on to ensure they are met, you get high performing people, and you save yourself a significant amount of time, money, resources – all of which are precious.

If you are interested in learning more about ENPs® within your business, you can purchase a copy of Vanessa's book The Truth about Trust in Business by clicking here.

London, Libya….what is really going on?

2011-09-01T15:06:00.000+10:00

A number of people from various countries have asked me ‘What are your thoughts on what is going in …Libya ….London (with the recent riots?’ Of course, we’ve now got our own, far less violent version, of frustrated and angry people taking to the streets to say ‘enough is enough’.

One of the things I talk about whenever I’m presenting on ‘The Truth about Trust’, is this:

First we define trust as our ability to rely on a person (or group of people), an organisation (corporate, political, church), a product or service, to deliver a specific outcome.

Then I ask people ‘How many times a day do you rely on someone or something?’ A hundred? A thousand? Most people say ‘All the time’, or ‘Every moment of every day.’ When you think about it, you are relying on the alarm clock to go off, the water in the shower to come out hot, the cornflakes to be crunchy, the car to start or the bus to be on time, and so it goes all through the day. In some countries, those things are luxuries, but they are relying on government to do something, to deliver on the promise of better housing, of jobs, of water in their community.

Then I ask them ‘Are you aware of all the times you are relying on someone or something every day?’ The answer ‘No, not really’.

So I ask them ‘When do you become aware of them?

The answer, a resounding ‘When they don’t work!’.

Ah ha! So, when we have trust, when we are able to rely on people, and organisations, and products and services to deliver that specific outcome to us, we don’t even think about it. In fact, we just get on with our day, productive and stress free.

Yet, when those things don’t deliver that specific outcome to us, we become acutely aware of it – and it doesn’t feel good.

When I ask people to describe how they feel when things they are relying on don’t work, it’s all negative, and varies from mild disappointment, to stressful, to annoying, to frustrating, to angry.

It’s is this anger, this absolute ‘I’ve had enough’ frustration, that drives people to the streets, sometimes doing things they may not have ever imagined themselves doing, like those children rioting in London. Like the people fighting for their freedom in Libya.

When trust breaks down it hurts. And when it hurts that much, violence is the natural, human response.

Why did I marry you?

2011-08-08T14:59:00.001+10:00

We’ve all been there. It’s that time when you are sitting across the table from your husband and he’s chewing loudly, a bit of dinner sitting in the corner of his mouth, elbows on the table and his sleeve rubbing in the mashed potato on his plate and you’re thinking ‘Please, please remind me – why did I marry you?’

It’s when your wife comes home from shopping and sneakily runs to the bedroom with a handful of bags which she then feebly attempts to hide under the bed, and it was only yesterday that you’d had the discussion about tightening the belt. Things were getting tough and the random spending had to cut back, a lot. She agreed that, yes, she really did have enough shoes, and yet you know that at least one of those bags she’s just shoved under the bed held the world’s best bargain pair of shoes, according to her. You sit down on the bed, head in your hands, and ask yourself ‘Why did I marry her?’

I just love all the stories that come up as people share the challenges in their marriages, and despite the fact that, at the time when things are tough, when you’re not sure you can make it through and you feel you are the only couple going through this, I can tell you that you are not as unique as you think you are. That’s a good thing. There is a pattern that exists in relationships, and the great news is that, when you understand what is actually happening, it is empowering and you can pull yourself through those times much quicker, with much more understanding and compassion, and with a lot less conflict and stress.

So, what’s really going on here? The first thing is to understand what is causing the frustration. Every time there is frustration and stress in any relationship it ultimately comes down to thee core things:

Something you Expected hasn’t happened
Something you Needed has not been met
Something that was Promised to you has not been delivered

I call these things ENPs®. You can read the background to ENPs in previous articles in Lifelonglove here.

Let’s take the first example, the husband disgracing himself at the dinner table. When you first met him he was gorgeous. Your heart raced when you saw him at that party 20 years ago. Debonair, suave, every girl had her eye on him, but you knew, you just knew he was meant for you. He was always the gentleman on your dates, held the door open for you, was an impeccable dresser, polite, just perfect, really.

Now, the reality is, he may not have always been like that, but that’s what you remember, that’s what you were drawn to. You wanted someone you could be proud to be with. He met your Need for esteem. He was confident and made you feel confident and, admit it, maybe even a bit better than some of your other girlfriends whose choice of partner was, well, questionable.

The thing is, you Expected that he’d always be like that. Why wouldn’t he be? In fact, now your sitting here watching him you’re thinking, when did it all go downhill? Was it a sudden thing, or has it been slowly declining over the years since you married? In any case, what you Expected is not what is sitting there right now.

Although he never came right out and Promised that he’d always be like that, that man you fell for, he did sort of Promise it, even if it was implicitly, right? He’d been like that for the year you dated, so there was a Promise that he’d continue to be like that.

What happens is that we all rely on people to deliver on what we Expect, what we Need and what we believed they Promised us. We place our trust in them to do that. When those things don’t stack up, we feel let down, disappointed, frustrated. Depending on how much we were relying on those things, how important those things are to us will depend on how big the crash is when it all falls apart.

You married him because you were drawn to the Promise that met your Expectations and your Needs at the time. But ENPs change. We can’t always live up to the Promise of years ago. In fact, in many ways, some of those Promises may not be relevant any more as the household and family situations change. Your Expectations change, your Needs change. ENPs are constantly changing and need to be talked about.

In this case, you need to ask yourself, ‘Can I still Expect him to be that suave man I met 20 years ago. How much have I changed over that same time? Hmmmmm.’ ‘Do I still need him to be that was to make me feel good about myself? How else can I feel good about myself that frees him up to be relaxed and be himself at home and around our friends?’

The same goes for the second example. You have an Expectation that your wife is going to take the family budget seriously. She Promised it, kind of, when she agreed that she did have enough shoes already. You Need her to be careful for the financial security of the family. You feel let down because she hasn’t met those ENPs for you.

But what is also going on, in both these examples, and in all our relationships, is that the other person, the husband whose more relaxed and not putting on a show, the wife whose still hunting for a bargain, also have Expectations and Needs of you, and you’ve made Promises to them.

Maybe your wife is Expecting that you’ve got everything under control. You always have everything under control. The last time things got a bit tough, you pulled the family through. So she’s Expecting you’ll do it again, and that she does not need to really play a role in that. Maybe her shopping for a bargain is her way of feeling good about herself. She feels clever that she’s been able to buy something of value for significantly less than other people had paid for it in the past. It meets her Esteem Need. Maybe she feels you Promised her that you would look after her – you said it in the wedding vows, you tell her all the time, and you’ve always done it, so it’s an implied Promise anyway.

So, every time you sit back, looking at your husband or your wife and wonder ‘Why did I marry you?’ just smile. You remember. Maybe just now it’s time to rethink those ENPs, and to communicate them with each other.

article published on lifelonglove, 27th July 2011

Social Sector begins talking about building trust

2011-05-16T14:21:00.002+10:00

The 3rd of May was the International Day of Trust. It’s something that I decided to start. The organisation which I run – entente and the entente foundation – now have as their goals building and restoring trust. This year, in London, Las Vegas, Jamaica, Johannesburg and Sydney, we started a global conversation. Here’s what we heard:

We need more trust in our world.
It is going to take a long time.
It’s a grassroots movement
It requires our leaders to change and set an example.
A world built on trust would be a world of prosperity, productivity, without violence or war, without abuse, where people cared about each other and there was peace.

As I have begun focusing on building and restoring trust I have been surprised by a number of things among hundreds of people I have spoken to:

that everyone agreed that trust was critical to their business, family, marriage, community, society;
that less than 5% said they did anything to build and maintain that trust;
that trust is powerful when you have it, but can break quickly, and is often impossible to rebuild;
that most people do not set out to break trust, they are simply unaware of what is causing it to break down.

This year saw the kick off of the t12 dialogue on trust. It involves focussed groups of 12 leaders in their field meeting to explore trust and its role. I ask participants to make one promise for which they will personally take responsibility, to ensure the building of trust in their organisation, life and world.

Peter Shergold and the Centre for Social Impact kindly hosted the first t12 dialogue on trust in the social sector in Sydney this year, as t12 groups met and continue to meet around the world during the month of May. Participants were:

Sandy Blackburn-Wright, Westpac’s Organisational Mentoring Program
Catherine Baldwin, Executive Director of Bangarra Dance Theatre
Lynne Dalton, CEO of the Centre for Volunteering
Toby Hall, CEO of Mission Australia
Chris McMillan, CEO of Fundraising Institute of Australia
Jayne Meyer-Tucker, CEO of Good Beginnings Australia (see her blog ‘Control Freakery’: Leadership and Capacity Building)
Sue Murray, Executive Director of The George Institute
Phil Hayes-St Clair of HSC and Co
Glenda Nixon, Director of entente foundation
Fiona Krautil, National Executive Officer of Girl Guides Australia
Steve Killelea, CEO of the Institute for Economics and Peace
Claerwen Little, Director Uniting Care, Children, Young People and Families

It was wonderful to see such dedication to exploring trust, as each participant agreed that trust was at the central core of their operations, and in many cases was the very thing they were aiming to build in their service to their members and communities.

Key blockers to trust we identified as the lack of a sense of unity, common goals or common purpose. The ‘Why’ is missing – from organisations, families, society. Without a sense of why we should work together, why we should trust, what we are all trying to achieve together, there is no accountability and no consequence. Consequently trust is broken.

It was agreed that as a society we are not rewarding or acknowledging trustworthy behaviour anywhere near enough. We need more people, more leaders, to take a stand for trust, and to acknowledge and reward that.

With clearer communication about boundaries, and expectations – with a focus on understanding the needs of others, as well as our own and a determined effort to meet those needs; with a recognition that when we make promises and commitments to others, others are relying on those; and with a conscious awareness that we must meet and manage the expectations of others and keep the promises we make – we might yet move beyond just imagining a world built on trust, and begin to live that reality.

I’d love to hear your views.

This blog post has been published on the Centre of Social Impact's Blog.

International Day of Trust - 3rd May

2011-05-03T15:00:00.002+10:00

Wow. What an amazing journey this has been, preparing for the International Day of Trust, the 3rd of May. A huge thank you to all the people who have participated in preparing the world's first t12 dialogue on trust groups, who have been out filming on the streets around the world, who have shared their thoughts with all of us, and to all of you who now choose to be a part of this special day.

A big, big thank you to my son, Lachlan, whose timely Mothers Day message to me 6 years ago planted a seed that continues to grow and is now reaching people in 6 continents. We share the celebration of the International Day of Trust with Lachlan's birthday, in honour of the awareness he raised in me. Happy 16th Birthday, Lachy!

The theme for this year - Imagine a world built on trust, sadly pre-supposes that we don't currently have that, but that it is a possibility. It is on that possibility, and on the vision for a world in which we learn to trust our purpose here, to trust ourselves, to be trustworthy and to build trust with those around us, that we have worked around the clock to share these gifts with you.

Enjoy!

Vanessa and the entente team

Australia

t12 - dialogue on trust groups

We have 2 groups of 12 leaders meeting in Sydney:

t12 education - hosted by Dr. Ted Boyce and Pacific Hills Christian School

t12 social sector - hosted by Prof. Peter Shergold and the Centre for Social Impact

Information about attendees and the outcome will be available on our t12 - dialogue on trust webpage a few days after the event.

Out on the streets

April Hasselmann from entente headed out with filmmaker Chris Hobart and asked people out on the streets of Sydney's inner west what they thought about trust. Click here to view the responses they received.

Expert's videos, interviews and blogs

David Penglase, creator of Sales Coach Central and Ari Galper, creator of Unlock the Game on the role of Trust in Sales.

Mandy Holloway, author of 'Inspiring Courageous Leaders' and Keith Ayers author of 'Engagement is not enough' on Trust in Leadership.

Fiona Pearman, co-author of 'The Truth about Trust in Business' on Trust in Branding.

Thank you to Edelman Australia for their support and help with PR for the day!

New Zealand

t12 - dialogue on trust groups

We have one group of 12 leaders meeting in Auckland:

t12 community - hosted and facilitated by Sally Mabelle and Hannah Samuel

Information about attendees and the outcome will be available on our t12 - dialogue on trust webpage a few days after the event.

Expert's blogs

Hannah Samuel, professional speaker, author and mentor on t12 dialogues.

USA

t12 - dialogue on trust groups

We have one dialogue on trust group meeting in Washington DC:

t12 leaders - hosted by Humanim and facilitated by Henry Posko

Information about attendees and the outcome will be available on our t12 - dialogue on trust webpage a few days after the event.

Celebrities and experts share their thoughts on trust

Chris Steely in the USA and Vanessa Hall in Sydney found some prominent Americans, celebrities and experts in the USA to tell us what they thought about trust. Click here to see what they said.

Expert's videos, interviews, blogs

Dr. John Demartini shares his thoughts on a world built on trust.

Rick Stevenson talks about trusting first.

Chris Steely says it starts with self trust and flows from there.

Lisa Quast blogs on building a culture of trust, with a Q&A with Vanessa Hall.

Thank you to Dennis and Michelle Reina for their support of the International Day of Trust.

South Africa

t12 - dialogue on trust groups

We have one group of 12 leaders in their field meeting on the day, and a second meeting later in May, in Johannesburg:

t12 community - hosted by the truth about trust foundation and facilitated by Anne Timms

t12 business leaders - hosted by DBSA and facilitated by Jayshree Naidoo

Information about attendees and the outcome will be available on our t12 - dialogue on trust webpage a few days after the event.

Around the country

Vanessa Hall, armed with her video camera, asked people from the Social Enterprise World Forum in Johannesburg, the coaches in training with entente, and others in Cape Town what they thought about trust. Keep an eye out on our Facebook page for the video.

Celebrities and experts share their thoughts on trust

The Queen Mother of the Royal Bafokeng Nation talks about trust.

Edith Venter, event co-ordinator and socialite shares her thoughts on trust.

Keep an eye out on our Facebook page for these videos.

Jamaica

Out on the streets

David Campbell headed out on the streets of Jamaica to find out what people thought about trust. Click here to view their responses.

What do you think?

Come and tell us what you think about when you 'Imagine a world built on trust.'

Better still, have a conversation with your partner, children, boss, employees, colleagues, students, friends - what do they think?

Share your thoughts and what you find on our Facebook page.

Gift to you

We've been madly having The Simple Truth about Trust book translated into a number of languages for the International Day of Trust, for you to share with friends and people you may know where English is not their first language.

Here's what we have so far for you to download and share:

English

German

We will continue to add more, as we still have Spanish, Hindi, Chinese, Japanese, Portuguese, Korean, Arabic and Russian to go.

We will let you know in future newsletters when they are available, or you can email April at april.hasselmann@entente.com.au and let her know which of these you are interested in having sent to you when it is ready.

Thank you for participating in the International Day of Trust, and watch out for more events and ways to bring more trust into your world, throughout the year, and next year's special day.

Vanessa

Promises being made and then broken

2011-04-05T11:42:00.000+10:00

I found the below article interesting and thought I would share it with you. It's global - It really doesn't matter where you are in the world, no-one likes it when promises are made and then broken. It's a tough one to stay on top of, though!

Promises are made and fools are happy

“Sliby chyby” – is a popular Czech saying made up of two words promises –mistakes. In other words, it is unwise to make rash promises or as Czechs say “slibovat hory doly” – to promise mountains and valleys. You can also promise to deliver the skies with the phrase “snést někomu modré z nebe” meaning that you will bring the blue colour of the sky down to earth for someone. A mistake to make the promise, and an even bigger one to take it seriously.

Someone who makes a habit of making rash promises – and never keeping them – is often labeled a “slibotechna” – which is something like a workshop for promises. Many a politician has been called a “slibotechna” by the press with remarks such as “nikdo vám nedá tolik, kolik my vám slíbíme” - nobody will give you half as much as we will promise you. Another phrase you will come across quite often is “slíbil mnoho, ale skutek utek” meaning - he talked the talk, but didn’t not walk the walk – or as some say –he was all mouth but no trousers.

If you have been fooled by someone’s promise – you can say “naletěl jsem” meaning I fell for it although the literal translation would be I flew for it. Do it too often and Czechs will tell you “sliby se slibují, blázni se radují” meaning promises are made and fools are happy.

Finally, the expression “sliby-chyby” is the closest you can get to the English “promises, promises” so if you doubt someone’s promise of mountains and valleys or the blue sky –the proper response is “sliby-chyby”.

This is Daniela Lazarová saying thanks for learning Czech with me and na shledanou!

For all the women in leadership - Why women are trusted more than men, and how to use trust to our advantage!

2011-03-18T10:58:00.001+11:00

In a recent survey by Management Today and the Institute of Leadership and Management, female CEOs were found to be more trusted than their male counterparts. In a number of sales training sessions I’ve attended over the years, women have been lauded as more trustworthy sales people than their male colleagues.

At the same time, women are more sensitive to trust and mistrust. In a survey I conducted through an independent researcher we found that only 1 in 20 women will deal with someone they like but do not trust, as opposed to 1 out of 5 men.

So what does this all mean for women in leadership?

We know that people follow trusted leaders. People buy from people they trust. We stay in relationships with partners we trust. Destroy that trust or abuse it in any way, and we no longer follow, we no longer buy, we no longer stay in that relationship. And women often bail more quickly than men.

What female leaders seem to have to their advantage is a much more intuitive response to trust and an openness to change. There are certainly exceptions but in my experience, women understand how important trust is, are prepared to do what it takes to build that trust, and are far more careful to ensure it isn’t broken.

We know that when trust is actively built across an organization, there is a direct return on what I call the 3 Rs of Trust – Results, Retention and Relationships. In fact, global consulting firm Towers Watson proved that companies that developed high levels of trust were able to generate shareholder returns 3 times that of companies with low levels of trust, a statistic we’ve also proven. Those improvements in returns are largely due to the improvement in relationships within the company, between managers and staff, between teams, as well as with customers and other stakeholders.

Most male CEOs and executives want to cut to the chase. If something can improve the bottom line, does not require them to take a good, hard look at themselves, and does not involve anything “touchy feely,” then they’ll go for that option – cost cutting, lay-offs, quick and “effective.” While they might be “effective” measures in the short term, they are trust destroyers. Executives can spend years convincing employees, shareholders and customers that they really do still have their interests at heart. Promises are made to a skeptical group of stakeholders who know better than to believe them.

Women leaders have the capacity to be more balanced in their decision-making. They examine consequences to the individual, the employees, the customers and the shareholders and they seek a win-win solution. They search for longer-term solutions, are prepared to take a good look at themselves and change their behavior, and will work on relationships and retention strategies as a way to improve results. Are there exceptions to this? Absolutely. But women leaders are proven to be more trusted than men, and I believe that trend will only improve as women step up to the challenge and trust themselves more in their leadership.

Self-trust is the biggest killer to women in leadership. It’s the reason there are not more of us in leadership roles, and it’s the reason women hold back from putting themselves forward for promotions.

The greatest challenge and the greatest opportunity for women in leadership is to build and restore trust in the business world, in their homes and families and in the broader community they serve. To achieve that, they also need to build trust in themselves.

Here are a few tips on how to do just that:

Understand the Expectations of All Stakeholders. This requires honest communication, relationship building, and the ability to be open to suggestions you may not want to hear. The trick is that you want to know what people really expect of you as a leader, of the organization and of your products and services. Not necessarily what they want, but what they expect. The expectations determine how your stakeholders behave toward you.
Understand the Needs of All Stakeholders. This is about understanding what really drives them, why they follow you and why they buy from you. It boils down to a few key things (I draw on Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs): a physiological need, a need for safety and security, a need for belonging, a need for esteem and respect or a need for self actualization, for growth, learning, freedom. Knowing what motivates your stakeholders and then meeting that for them helps you maintain their trust.
Make the Right Promises, and Keep Them. It’s easy to promise things, but Promising something that nobody expects or needs is a waste of your time, money and effort. People will be drawn to your promises when they meet their expectations and needs, but they will leave and feel betrayed if you promise things and don’t deliver.

Expectations, Needs and Promises, what I call ENPs®, are the foundation bricks of a trusting relationship. Trust sits on a balance of these three bricks and if you get it right, trust will remain strong. The same ENPs apply to developing self-trust.

The key thing women in leadership should remember is that trust is fragile. Handle it with care!

Artcile posted on The Glass Hammer.

The Greatest Risk to Your Business

2011-03-15T11:21:00.000+11:00

As a leader in business, you are familiar with the fact that you have risks that need to be managed or avoided completely. But let me ask you this – have you ever considered a breakdown of trust as the greatest risk to your business?

If you’re shaking your head, you’re in the majority – but if you truly want to outshine and outstrip your competitors, if you want to significantly increase what I call the 3 R’s of trust – Results, Retention and Relationships, then listen up!

Your greatest challenge and opportunity in 2011 is to join the growing number of leaders who are focusing on a breakdown of trust as the greatest risk, and creating a “Building Trust Plan” to address it.

Watson Wyatt concluded in a 2003 study that organizations with high levels of trust delivered shareholder returns 3 TIMES that of organizations with low levels of trust. We’ve seen similar results from organizations that apply a concerted effort on understanding where trust is breaking down inside and outside their organization and leading with trust as the foundation of doing business.

One of the issues “trust” has in playing a significant role in the business world has been its complexity and a reputation as being a “soft skill” that “we don’t have time to really focus on – we’re trying to make money.” Trust has taken a back seat to a host of culture development programs and, over the past few years, cost cutting measures to survive the global financial crisis have eroded trust even further.

In a study my organization, entente, conducted in 2006, we asked over 600 people “What is trust?” And guess what? We got over 600 different responses! I realized that we had a problem right there – how can we build something if we don’t even know what we are building?

But when I asked business leaders around the world “How important is trust to your organization?” what did they say? “It’s critical” was the most common response. Great, so then I asked, “So, what do you do, then, to build trust? How do you know when you have it and when you don’t? How do you measure it?” The response – lots of blank stares, red faces, drained faces, and less than 5% could actually tell me what they did to build trust.

So, we have a lack of understanding of what trust is, a recognition of how important it is, with no clue as to what to do! Is it any wonder trust has taken a back seat all these years?

As a leader, this is your chance to lead with trust, and reap the rewards.

First, what is trust?

I define it as this:

Our ability to rely on:

A person (or group of people)
An organization
Products and Services

. . . to deliver an outcome to us.

So, when your staff trusts you, they’re relying on you and your organization to deliver an outcome to them. When your customers trust you they are relying on you, your organization, and your products and services to deliver an outcome to them.

The problem is unless you’ve been asking, you don’t know what outcome they are relying on you for. And, I can tell you this for certain, if you think you know, you don’t. Assume nothing! There will be things that they are relying on that will blow your mind.

There are 3 core components to the Trust Wall, a revealing model for trust that explains quite a bit about human behavior.

Expectations are the first things that come into play. All your stakeholders will have expectations of you that come from:

Their previous experience with you
Things they’ve seen about you
Things others have told them about you
Things they’ve experienced with people/organizations/products and services that are like yours, but are not you

That means your customers, your staff, your shareholders, all have a range of expectations that they are relying on you to deliver.

Needs also play out in the trust dynamic – by Needs, I mean the basic human needs that drive us (Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is what I draw on). Some people are relying on you to make them feel safe, others just want a job, some want respect, others growth and development. When you meet their Needs, they stay with you. Fail to meet them, and they are gone!

Then there are the Promises you make – both explicitly and implicitly. When you make Promises that meet the Expectations and Needs of others, they are drawn to you. When you make those Promises and then don’t deliver them, you break down that trust sometimes quicker than you can blink.

These 3 things, what I call ENPs®, are what we all rely on others for, and our trust sits on a balance of those. Keep them all in check, and trust flourishes and Results, Retention and Relationships all improve. Fail to meet them and trust breaks down, and all those things that you see in your business that cause you sleepless nights – the lack of performance, slow sales, high turnover, customer complaints, infighting, shareholder selling out, all take hold and destroy everything you are trying to achieve.

A breakdown of trust is the greatest risk to your business – building trust is your greatest challenge. That is the truth about trust.

Can you handle the truth?

Published on Coaching Tip: The Leadership Blog.

What to Do When Trust With Your Employees Breaks Down

2011-03-11T12:04:00.000+11:00

In a perfect world, your employees will always trust you and your organization.

In spite of your best efforts, though, trust can and will erode. That’s the bad news. The good news is you can recover. How do you rebuild trust?

Communicate openly. Talk about the situation. Describe any mistakes you’ve made, what you’ve learned from those mistakes, and what you’ll do in the future. Don’t be afraid to share bad news and to admit mistakes. Explain the rationale behind decisions you’ve made, and encourage employees to give input and feedback on decisions you make. Most importantly, accept feedback with grace and act professionally at all times. Rebuilding trust takes time. The old cliché “It takes ten pats on the back to overcome one kick in the rear” is especially true when you’ve lost the trust of your employees.
Make changes based on employee input. Listen to your employees and implement good suggestions. Some managers are hesitant to act on employee input because they feel all the ideas should be theirs. Great managers realize they don’t have all the answers. What matters most is that you make positive changes; it doesn’t matter where the ideas for those changes come from. Employees who know you’ll listen and act on their ideas will regain their trust in you.
Make sure your employees fully understand your expectations. In order for employees to be effective, they have to know what their job is and how to do their job. Employees who make mistakes will often blame their manager for not setting clear expectations, and as a result, they will lose trust in that manager. While that may not seem fair, it’s also a fact of life: most of us are initially defensive when we make a mistake. Setting clear expectations not only helps employees perform better but also creates an environment of trust.
Hold employees accountable. If you’ve made a mistake that eroded trust, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t hold your employees accountable for their mistakes. Rewarding high performers and holding poor performers accountable through discipline and termination builds an environment of trust.
“Cast the right shadow.” Employees look to their managers to set the tone for the organization; they expect the company leaders to lead in word and in action. What you say and do as a manager is important; how you say and do things is critical, too, because your team will scrutinize everything you do, especially if trust has been broken. By being a great role model and constantly casting the right shadow, you set an example for your employees to follow, and they’ll also place their trust in you.

I’d like to specifically highlight two areas here.

The first is the concept of seeking feedback from employees and engaging them, through surveys and other means, in the direction of the business. One of the things I have seen time and time again in companies is the well-meaning employee opinion survey followed by . . . nothing!

I once worked for an organization that conducted such a survey, and the months went by with no communication of the results. When I quizzed my manager on it, he admitted that the results were so bad that senior management decided not to release them!

Why bother asking if you are not going to do anything about it? One of the things I tell people who look at doing the Entente Trust Survey is that they have to promise they will take action on the areas showing low levels of trust. If the commitment is not there, I tell them not to bother, and cer- tainly not to do the survey. I certainly don’t want my name associated with a “survey that didn’t work.”

What happens when a company surveys its employees?

It creates expectations that, since it is asking for employees’ opinions, it will do something as a result. When nothing happens, the expectation is not met.
An implicit promise is made along the same lines, unless it is clearly stated that the only reason for the survey is to see how the company measures up against its competitors (which is the reality in many cases).
The need for respect is met in conducting the survey, but then it is not met when the opinions are not listened to.

The communication surrounding the survey needs to be managed very well so that expectations about what is likely to happen, and when, are managed properly. The best thing to do is get everyone involved. When you release the results, get your people involved in determining the best solutions and ways of improving the areas that rated poorly. As was demonstrated in the Fantastic Furniture story, everyone has something of value to add, if you just listen.

The second thing I want to point out is the comment about disciplining underperforming employees.

We’ve all seen it. The couple of people who have been slack and not pulled their weight, or the people who got the job done but left a trail of destruction in their wake. When these people are rewarded just like everyone else, it blows all the good things the leaders might have done before.

I was at a breakfast not that long ago and someone told a story about how the manager had bought a few books of movie vouchers to give out as rewards throughout the year. One day she checked them and realized that they were, unfortunately, about to expire that week. As a result, she gave them out to all the staff. All the staff. That is not reward and recognition. That’s poor management.

There is a fine line between equity and fairness in the workplace, between reward and recognition for performance. If you build a performance-based system, stick to it. By having the system, you have created expectations and have made promises — some explicit and some implicit — about how people will be treated.

It does take courage to be able to give constructive feedback to an employee who is underperforming, but I can guarantee that the rest of your people will be watching you like a hawk to see that it is done, and they will trust you more for it. It meets their needs for security and for fairness and respect.

Article published by TLNT - The Business of HR on 28th February 2011.

The New Top 10 Characteristics of a Good Manager

2011-02-15T12:36:00.001+11:00

LMA (Leadership Management Australia) just released results of their LEAD survey of over 3000 employees across Australia. Guess what they said was the number one Top Characteristic of a good manager?

Trustworthiness and Openness jumps dramatically to top characteristic of a good manager

In what is seen as a dramatic change in attitudes from a year ago, employees think trustworthiness and openness is now the most important characteristic of a good manager.

Compared to this time last year, trustworthiness and openness has jumped from seventh to number one on the Top Ten Characteristics of a Good Manager list generated by Leadership Management Australasia (LMA).

The list has been drawn from the latest L.E.A.D. (Leadership, Employment and Direction) Survey of more than 3,000 employees across Australia and New Zealand, (14 per cent of the respondents were from New Zealand yielding the same results).

LMA's Managing Director, Grant Sexton said what employees expect of their managers has changed dramatically over the past year. A new number one characteristic and some major changes in the Top Ten present managers with new challenges in fulfilling the needs and expectations of their employees.

Click here to continue reading about The New Top 10 Characteristics of a Good Manager.

Truth and trustworthiness in internet security

2011-01-13T11:43:00.000+11:00

Truth and trustworthiness are fundamental to internet security. An interesting study, although no-one yet has been able to establish a process to ensure that information being received is validated for trustworthiness. Basically, it is left up to the receiver of the information to determine whether they trust what they... have read or received.

How do you feel about that?

http://www.phibetaiota.net/2010/12/robert-garigue-truth-trust-as-security-requirements/

Trust not knowing

2011-01-04T11:58:00.000+11:00

I was reading a blog post from Michael Hall (no relation!) about trusting not-knowing, and he used a Zen quote 'Only not know'. Check out his blog post here: Trust not knowing.

What's really interesting about this is that we feel really uncomfortable not knowing. Every person I have ever coached, in business or personally, has said one of the things they wanted was CLARITY. Clarity is about knowing something. It's hard to not know, isn't it? Why is that?

Think about your entire schooling. What were you tested on? Your knowledge! You passed or failed depending on whether or not you knew something. So to not know something equates to failing in some way.

One of the things I teach in understanding trust is our expectations. Our expectations as formed in a number of different ways, one of which is our own direct experiences of things. You have experienced success and failure based on what you know, therefore you have developed an expectation about what happens to you when you know something, and what happens to you when you don't know something. So not knowing something is really hard, right?

What happens with our expectations is that they drive our behaviour. When we expect something, we behave in ways that are consistent with that expectation, and we bring it about, we make it happen. So if we expect that we will fail if we do not know, then that's exactly what happens! I don't know about you, but I've spent a lot of money and a lot of time getting people to advise me in my business so that I KNEW exactly what I needed to know to make my business successful. And with all due respect to those people, I can tell you now that a whole lot of things that they did not anticipate happened and got in the way of the plans. And a whole lot of things that they 'knew' would happen, didn't!

What I've learned to expect, in my business, and in my personal life, is that life happens. It is impossible to know everything that is to happen, every opportunity that is going to land in your lap, every person that you are going to meet. You cannot know that. That's what makes life's journey so interesting!

So, you can be comfortable 'not knowing', and simply expecting that what is meant to happen will happen. That you will meet the right people, and the right events will happen for you if you simply move in the direction of your dreams and your purpose.

Trust that. Trust not knowing.

Clienteer Hub

2010-12-22T10:20:00.000+11:00

Just found our video was placed on Clienteer Hub. I have no idea how or who, but thank you! Don't you just love the internet!

The Truth About Trust is brought to you by entente - International Movement Of Trust. The message: Trust is fragile - handle it with care.http://www.clienteerhub.com/clienteering-online/videos/truth-about-trust

Trust versus Foolishness

2010-12-22T10:16:00.002+11:00

Hmm - just came across this article about trust, written by Chris Dillow, Investors Chronicle Economist and Writer. He says there is a thin line between trusting and being a fool. What do YOU think?

http://www.ing.com/ezonomics/showdoc.jsp?left=false&docid=467720&WT.ac=twit

An Update from South Africa

2010-12-03T11:37:00.001+11:00

Great start to my third trip to South Africa! Meeting with the CEO of Masiszane, Old Mutual's Foundation went extremely well. A quick change to their team building day next week, and they are flying me and Anne to Cape Town to present on how we might bring the truth about trust through their organisation and with their partners. Thank you, Charmaine.

Then had a great chat with MES, who will bring the truth about trust into their organisation next year, and will do some events in their community in Johannesburg for the International Day of Trust in 2011. Thanks guys!

A big thank you to Edith Venter, Events co-ordinator and well known socialite, who will work with us to make our inaugural gala dinner for the International Day of Trust South Africa a success! Very exciting to be planning for this important day and its lead up - put a note in your diary for the 3rd of May and watch this space!

Had another great day yesterday in Joburg. Met with the International Labour Organisation, a UN agency, and agreed we will look to how we might bring the truth about trust into one of their programs here in South Africa. YAY!

Wouldn't You Like a Marraige Built on Trust?

2010-12-02T12:02:00.003+11:00

We all know that trust is the foundation on which all good marriages are built. But do we really know what trust is and how it works, how it breaks down and what we need to do to keep it?

To read Vanessa's article in the October 2010 Issue of Marriage Works Magazine, please click here.

The Truth about Trust Insight No 6:

2010-12-02T11:58:00.002+11:00

We often don't realise that the very things that are going "wrong" in our lives, the things that we know are not at their best, are actually a direct result of trust breaking down.

In business, that could be low morale, people quitting, marketing not generating the returns we want, team conflict, poor performance, customer complaints.

In our homes that could be arguing, conflict, avoidance, abuse, frustration with our children or partner.

In our communities that could be any form of crime, increasing health issues, poor church attendance, lack of engagement in community affairs and events, problems in schools.

These are all examples of the SYMPTOMS that we deal with every day - but they are simply the symptoms. Dealing with these on their own is like putting a bandaid on a gaping and gushing wound and expecting it to heal.

What we need to do is deal with the ROOT CAUSE. And the root cause of all the frustrations and anger and disappointment in our business and personal lives is the BREAKDOWN OF TRUST.

Building and restoring trust is the only REAL solution to these issues.

Mission Australia

2010-11-19T11:31:00.002+11:00

Mission Australia just released a report on their National Survey of Young Australians, with views from over 50,000 young people - their concerns for themselves and their country, what they value. Interestingly, family relationships and friendships were the top two things they valued, and body image, family conflict and coping with stress were their top three issues. What a great time for us to be taking the truth about trust to schools across Australia!

You can view the survey here if you like.

The Truth about Trust Insight No 5:

2010-11-05T12:08:00.002+11:00

We really don't think about what we are relying on people and things for. We just get annoyed when they don't deliver on them. Wouldn't it be great if we could actually understand and be able to articulate and communicate how and why we are trusting someone, so then they know and can... tell us if that is a sensible thing to do or not? Watch this space.

Sheridan Voysey Interviews Vanessa on The Power of Trust

2010-10-28T10:11:00.002+11:00

Sheridan Voysey from Hope 103.2 interviews Vanessa on 'The Power of Trust.'

The Truth about Trust Insight No 4

2010-10-28T09:27:00.000+11:00

You actually trust people and things every day, thousands of times. When they deliver the outcome we are relying on them for, we have peace, we can get on with life. When they don't, it creates feelings of frustration, disappointment, anger. Trust is the key to a peaceful and stress free life!

The Truth about Trust Insight No 3

2010-10-22T16:01:00.001+11:00

Trust is our ability to rely on a person (or people), on an organisation, or on products and services, to deliver an outcome to us. That is the fundamental definition of trust - when we cannot trust someone or something, we were unable to rely on them to deliver the outcome we wanted.

Servant leadership wins trust

2010-10-20T13:41:00.000+11:00

A recent study by Sen Senjaya and Andre Pekerti has shown produced the following results: "Subordinates who perceived high servant leadership behavior in their leaders had significantly higher trust levels compared with those who perceived low servant leadership behavior in their leaders."

For more information click here.

If you would like to build trust within your organisation please click here.

The Truth about Trust Insight No 2:

2010-10-18T12:51:00.000+11:00

The Truth about Trust Insight No 2:

Most people actually do not know what trust is, therefore have difficulty building or restoring it. If there is a focus on building trust, without a clear framework, it really is hit and miss.

Verification

2010-10-18T12:47:00.000+11:00

Verifying Technorati: 3UFU6M29ZSR5

The Truth about Trust Insight No: 1

2010-10-14T11:03:00.000+11:00

Thought I'd start sharing some things from 'The Truth about Trust in Business,' now approaching it's third birthday!

Here's the truth about trust insight No 1:

If 99% of people agree that trust is critical in their relationships, why is it that less than 5% actually do anything to consciously build and maintain trust? My... thought - they simply don't know how.

Telstra and a Promise worth keeping

2010-10-12T12:45:00.002+11:00

I was flicking through the Good Weekend magazine and found an ad for Telstra supporting Legacy. Don't get me wrong - I think the fact that Telstra is out there supporting good things for the community is fantastic. I hope I can get them on board supporting the International Day of Trust, but the ad reads like this:

'A promise worth keeping' - what are they trying to say? The first thing I thought was 'Does that mean that Telstra doesn't believe that all promises are worth keeping?' Is it just me, because I'm sensitive to the whole thing about promises and their role in building or breaking trust? Or should they seriously consider changing their marketing?

Maybe they haven't read the books I sent them!

Problems with Technology

2010-09-15T10:39:00.000+10:00

Here's just a sample of the issues I had with technology while preparing for or actually during a range of presentations in South Africa - me and technology clearly have a love/hate relationship that doesn't have a whole lot of trust!:

room too light so video presentations can't be played
microphone works during rehearsal and doesn't work as soon as I start to speak
clicker to change slides runs out of batteries just as I start, then cordless mic also runs out of batteries in same presentation
video records picture but no sound
Plasma screen for my video presentation is faulty and keeps turning blue then red
No speakers for sound
Speakers and projector but no-one who knows how to use them
Room echoing so mic of no use at all
Speakers provided are crackly and distorts the sound on video
Projector turns itself off every 5 minutes

And some people wonder why I still like to write on a flip chart during my presentations!

An update from Vanessa

2010-09-10T14:31:00.000+10:00

Hi all! Well, I'm back home in Sydney, Australia, after almost 2 months of travelling and spreading the truth about trust. Here's a snapshot of what's going on in the International Movement of Trust:

Russia and Ukraine
We took a team of five, Vanessa Hall, husband Peter Draper, son Lachlan, Scott Cousins and Daniel Harris across to attend a camp in Samara, Russia, in July. The camp was run by the Kindness Foundation and throughout the camp we had the opportunity to engage with Russian children as well as to discuss and plan for the development and rollout of the Building Trust through Schools around the World Project, both for Russia and Ukraine.
Click here for more information.

South Africa
Wow! What an amazing response to the Truth about Trust tour in August. Anne lead the way, with input and assistance from Lillian and Brian to arrange an amazing 25 presentations and key meetings over three and a half weeks. Accompanied by April and Alison in the first week, the entente team produced an amazing result - a number of community projects to kick off, Monash University South Africa, Gordon Institute of Business Science, University of Potchefstrom all keen to be involved and track the impact of our work across various fields, not for profit groups wanting to become trained in trust to address major issues in society, churches wanting to roll out program in their youth programs.... The best thing to do is to watch this video.
Click here for more information.

Nepal and Jamaica
Dhiraj and Silpa Shrestha in Nepal and David Campbell and Wayne Gallimore in Jamaica are currently completing their training in the Truth about Trust and are also looking at bringing the concepts into their countries. Discussions are in the early days, so watch this space!

Trust Reponse Teams

2010-07-06T11:38:00.002+10:00

Had our first meeting to kick off entente's first Trust Response Team in Sydney. We're formulating exactly how these teams will work so we can then get more of you involved, but it's a great way to give something back by helping others understand why their trust was broken, and what to do to restore trust in themselves... and in those around them. So excited about this one!

Australia's first female Prime Minister

2010-07-06T11:36:00.002+10:00

My thoughts on Australia's first Female Prime Minister and what happened to Kevin Rudd: I think Kevin Rudd has a few too many broken promises that left everyone wondering if they could trust him any more. He was not meeting basic needs for safety and also esteem as he yelled, ranted and raved at his party, his staff, a...nd anyone else who was around when he lost his temper (appears that was happening a bit of late), and loads of unmet expectations. Julia Gillard, on the other hand, was careful what she promised (although she did make a big one about being out of debt by 2013), and she managed expectations by clearly saying there will be times when we love her, and there will be times when she disappoints us. So far, so good. I think it's about time we had a shot at a woman at the top. Fingers crossed she'll maintain the qualities of a trustworthy person, continue to manage expectations, meet needs and keep her promises. I think she can do it.

Why Marriages Fail

2010-04-23T11:55:00.000+10:00

As this month our members explore the 7 truths about trust every couple needs to know, I was digging around looking through research as to what makes marriages work and what makes them fail. Whilst the model for trust shows you what will work and what will break down YOUR marriage or relationship, I wanted to know what the researchers and marriage experts were saying.

The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers published a paper called 'Making marriages last', which I found on www.divorceform.org, and the top reasons for failure they reported were these:

1. poor communication
2. financial difficulties
3. lack of commitment
4. dramatic change in priorities
5. infidelity

They also talked about:

6. failed expectations and unmet needs
7. addictions
8. physical, sexual and emotional abuse
9. lack of conflict resolution

Probably no surprises there, really, but the bigger question is how do we resolve this? Australia has the 6th highest divorce rate in the world on a number of searches I conducted, most recent stats say that 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce in Australia. The USA and Sweden seem to share the top of the list with over 50% of marriages ending in divorce.

Interestingly, and matching what entente has found around how much women value trust, women file more divorce applications in Australia than men. We know that women care more about trust, and only 1 in 10 will deal with someone they like but do not trust.

The biggest issue as I see it is this: we do not understand the power and fragility of trust in our relationships, and how that trust dynamic really works. This is the secret that we unlock for people.

The problem with poor communication for example (and we see this exact same problem in business), is not the amount of communication but the structure and content of it. When you understand the dynamics of Expectations, Needs and Promises and where trust sits with that, the framework is set for communication that really works.

If you truly want your marriage or relationship to work, if you are struggling right now and things are not working the way you hoped they would, think about this:

1. what were you each Expecting from each other?
2. what do you Expect now?
3. what did you each Need from each other?
4 what do you each Need now?
5. what did you each Promise each other?
6. what are you prepared to Promise each other now?

This is the start point to begin to understand the trust dynamics in your relationship and to set a framework to communicate.

----------------------------------------------------

Want to know more about how to give your relationship the boost it deserves?

Come to entente's 2 day workshop in Sydney on 26th and 27th May.

Email April at admin@entente.com.au for further details.

Calling all successful businesswomen who just can't get relationships right

2010-04-19T13:49:00.002+10:00

You know who you are. You climbed the corporate ladder. You are the envy of your friends because you've made it in your career. You might have even taken the plunge and gone out on your own. Business has it's challenges but you've done it.

The problem - your personal life sucks! You go in and out of relationships. Mr Right very quickly turns out to be Mr Soooo Wrong! You seem to attract idiots and sleezebags. You just don't get it. How
can one part of your life be so great and the other so crap???

You need to understand the dynamics of your ENPs. What is actually going on is revealed when you realise your negative Expectations, your Needs and the Promises they make to you are all at play here. When you get this, you can become as successful in your relationships as you are in your career.

Now that's worth aspiring to. Are you up for the challenge?

Vanessa Hall

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The truth about trust workshop in Sydney 14 - 16 May for women in business who want to learn how to trust themselves more, want much better relationships, want to learn how to make better decisions about relationships, and want better results, retention and relationships in their business. This is for you! Call April on 02 8889 0888 or email at admin@entente.com.au to reserve your place.

A courageous man

2010-04-16T12:55:00.000+10:00

Sigma CEO, Elmo de Alwis, resigned because he wanted to take responsibility for 'not doing what we said we would do'. He reported to Khia Mercer and Nabila Ahmed of the Australian Financial Review on Friday 16th April "The thing about leadership is that you have to take responsibility, you can't pass it on to somebody else".

What a refreshing change to the complete lack of trusted leadership we have seen over the last 2 years. Although Sigma has been experiencing issues and there have been changes in industry conditions and pharmaceutical benefits scheme reform, this CEO was prepared to fall on his sword to allow a 'fresh set of eyes' in the leadership of the company.

Being truly trustworthy is not for the weak or fainthearted, it takes guts, but what I love is that he recognised that there must be a consequence to breaking down the trust of others. The ultimate consequence was him stepping down.

Are you prepared to do what it takes to be a trustworthy leader?

Complaints when trust breaks down

2010-03-01T12:43:00.001+11:00

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/02/12/2817499.htm?section=justin

One of the interesting things I observe is the flow on effects of a breakdown of trust. I’ve spoken about this domino effect previously.

I was reflecting on this as I read Kristina Keneally’s comments in response to the Independent Commission against Corruption investigation into allegations against MP Ms Paluzzano.

When someone lodges a complaint against someone else, in any kind of format, whether as a customer, as an employee, as a constituent, as a tenant, whatever position they are in, that complaint is a direct response to a breakdown of trust. Something they Expected or Needed, and/or something that was Promised to them has not happened. Especially when Promises made have been explicitly stated, most of us say something, we complain, we jump up and down. We are ‘not happy Jan!’ This is a natural response.

However, if that breakdown of trust was significant, if it cut to core Needs, then the noises that we make can often be loud and clear. We want everyone to know that we are hurting and that something should be done about it.

How those complaints and noises are responded to requires careful consideration. Emotions are running high. People are angry. But the full story needs to be uncovered – is the issue being reported and complained about the actual issue, or is there something else going on here that has caused that breakdown of trust.

I agree with Premier Keneally. Investigations need to continue to ensure the validity of the accusations. But any hint of them being true requires swift action in order to maintain trust in the system, and for the Premier to maintain the trust that has been given to her. And that goes for anyone dealing with ay kind of issue. Be careful in your investigations, but if there is a real problem there, deal with it quickly or you lose the trust others have in you faster than you can blink.

Do you share our worldwide view?

2010-02-17T13:08:00.001+11:00

Taking Seth Godin's advice (I love this guy - he is so on the money), we are finding those who share our worldview. It has been difficult for us. Let's face it, trust is everywhere and affects everyone.

But there is a small but powerful group of people who actually get the significance of trust and how it plays out in every aspect of their life. A small group who know that the time for trust is now. That it's a case of 'enough already', how long can we continue to let each other down, hurt each other, disappoint the very people we love and want a relationship with, break the promises we make and drive people away.

Whether you are wondering why your customers keep complaining, why your staff don't really care about you or your business, why your shareholders are so touchy, or why your last relationship fell apart, why your teenager doesn't talk to you anymore, or why violence still exists, why crime rates, divorce rates, depression rates are still as high as they are, why two cultures continue to collide, why nations cannot agree on positive action to a common cause - you share our worldview, and we need you!

Help us. Invite people you know who share this view to join my facebook group. Volunteer with us. Sponsor our foundation. Buy a book so proceeds can help fund our work. Tell me what you think.

Meeting the Needs of Others

2010-01-25T10:49:00.001+11:00

My son Lachlan is very driven by the need for Safety and Security. As long as he feels safe, he’s happy, confident, and at peace with himself and the world around him.

If at any time he does not feel safe, he becomes difficult, nagging, he loses confidence in himself, and is generally not very nice to be around.

Let me give you an example of how this plays out. Lachlan dances 4 days a week for The Edge. I do most of the driving back and forth to get him there (Peter does some too – thank you sweetie!).

Lachlan needs to get there early. I like to get him there on time. I mean, we drive up to the door at exactly the time he is meant to be there – it’s how I operate, I run everything to the wire, BUT he is NEVER late. He is ALWAYS on time. There are times when I can’t understand why he is freaking out, calling me, sms-ing me and hassling me about hurrying up to pick him up from home to get him to dance when I know exactly how long we need to get him there on time.

What I occasionally forget, and have just reminded myself, is the importance of meeting the Needs of others. It’s one of the key things I teach about building trusting relationships. Find out what the underlying Needs are for the people you want trusting relationships with. Find out what the important ones are, the drivers, and meet those Needs for them.

For Lachlan, I know his driving Need is Safety and Security. He feels safe when he arrives 15 minutes early for a class, not right on time. If I want a calm, loving and trusting relationship with him, I need to meet that for him.

This week he was 15 minutes early for dance. He’s happy, and so am I.

Can you forgive and still not trust?

2010-01-18T10:57:00.003+11:00

I was reading a blog post called Unforgiving and Unforgivable which was exploring the concept that men are more unforgiving than women. It poses the observation that in the event of infidelity or betrayal, a man would end the relationship, but those same men expect forgiveness if they were the ones who committed the offence.

What I have found interesting myself in exploring the whole concept of trust and forgiveness is this:

1. Women care more about trust than men
2. You can forgive someone and still not trust them. Women tend to do this more than men. Just because she has ‘forgiven’ you does not mean she trust you.
3. Men and women will move on from a relationship only when they believe their Needs will be met elsewhere. Men are more confident that they can find other ways to do this. Women will stay in a relationship that is ‘bad for them’ because, in some way, it is meeting a core Need for them (e.g. the relationship may be meeting their financial needs and they do not believe they can meet those themselves.)
4. A breakdown in trust is the biggest killer to relationships

Women care more about trust than men

2010-01-15T10:30:00.003+11:00

It’s true, and it came out loud and clear in a survey entente conducted with over 600 people.

If you had 20 women customers, and you did something to break down their trust in you, even if they liked you as a salesperson or customer service person, 19 of them would not deal with you again!

If you had the same situation but 20 men, 16 of them would not deal with you. That’s still terrible, but seriously, if your customer base is women and you do not have a program in place to ensure everyone in your business knows what trust is and how to protect the trust of your customers, you have missed the biggest risk to your business.

Likewise for your female staff, your female business partners, investors, and every other stakeholder group in your business.

And of course, the same thing applies in your personal relationships.

Men, listen up! If you want a happy wife, daughter, female employee, customer, or shareholder, you need to know the truth about trust!

Sometimes the relationship is just not meant to be

2010-01-12T12:38:00.003+11:00

Peter, my husband, had an interesting experience the other day in talking with someone he was hoping to work with. This person (let’s call him Bill), had done some work for Peter once before and it had ended badly, breaking down the trust Peter had in Bill.

In this instance, however, Peter was prepared to give it another try and I reminded him that he needed to talk to Bill first about his ENPs – what he Expects from Bill, what he Needs from Bill and why, and to make sure Bill could make Promises to meet those. Peter did this, and also explained how fragile trust is, how it broke down before, and said that he wanted to rebuild the trust by starting again.

Before Peter could even get to the stage of finding out Bill’s Expectations and Needs, Bill began to back down on the whole idea of working together, something he was keen to do only moments before.

What happened? Because the Expectations and Needs were out there, clearly stated and Bill knew that if he did not meet those, Peter’s trust in him would break down, he wasn’t prepared to make any Promises, In fact, he said straight out that he couldn’t Promise that.

Peter and Bill decided not to go ahead with the idea of working together.

Now that is a good outcome! Why would I say that? Because, had that discussion not happened, Bill would have, once again, begun working with Peter, and would definitely have let him down, not turned up, been late, and so on – a repeat of the problems they had before, because he wasn’t prepared to change. Knowing this upfront has allowed Peter to choose someone who can Promise to meet his Expectations and Needs.

You’ve just gotta love ENPs!

The brands that win are the ones you can trust

2009-12-16T10:23:00.000+11:00

OK, that's probably not news to you, but what continues to amaze me is that very few people still understand what we mean by 'trust' and how you go about building a trusted brand.

Here's the thing - it is not about the ad. It is not about the latest marketing campaign. It doesn't matter that it was great and you won an award for it. It doesn't matter what it looks like or the feeling it creates, or even the number of customers it attracts.

That's all a part of it, of course, but if you are measuring the success of your marketing on the number of people it attracts, or the recognition you have achieved, that is not a TRUSTED brand. That's a recognised brand.

A trusted brand is one that delivers on the Promise. One that meets the Expectations that have been created. One that meets the Needs of the market.

This means it is not just about you, but it's about everyone in your organisation.

Get that right, and you will build a truly trusted brand.

Vanessa

Restoring trust in a messed up State

2009-12-14T15:10:00.002+11:00

Kristina Keneally has a job on her hands. Being Premier of NSW on its own is a job many people simply would not put their hand up for. Stepping in at a time when the State has been run into the ground, when its constituents have lost trust in State Government and no longer know who to trust - now that's a job that is going to require some very special skills.

One of the things that happens when trust is eroded is that people build up negative expectations based on their previous experiences. We all do this when things just don't work out the way we Expect. In fact, what happens is that we no longer believe the Promises that are made to us. 'Things will be different. I'm here to sort things out' etc, are simply a waste of breath because everyone is sitting around thinking 'Sure. That's what the last guy said, and the one before that, and the one before that....' Because their experience is negative, because the Promises that were made in the past were not kept, cynicism sets in and a new Expectation is formed - the story everyone tells themselves, in order to keep their trust intact is 'They always break their Promises, and they are all as bad as each other'. Now, there are exceptions to this rule, there will always be the few who will give them a go, but the majority will sit back and wait to watch them fail.

Sounds pretty awful, hey! But we all do it, and you are probably very aware that we all do it. The challenge for the one attempting to build and restore trust in that environment is to:

1. recognise that it is very real and that is the environment they are dealing with
2. know that making statements to convince people that things are different is hopeless
3. work at shifting the negative expectations first - that means slowly proving them wrong
4. know that people don't like to admit that they were wrong, so they cling to their negative expectations even if they don't like that about themselves
5. be patient, and consistent - keep proving, bit by bit, brick by brick, that you are serious about restoring the trust that has been broken

I'm putting in a call to Kristina's office and sending her a copy of 'The truth about trust in business' - hopefully I can help her in some way with her enormous challenge. Fingers crossed!

Even Celebrities Have Trust Issues

2009-12-09T11:33:00.004+11:00

Well, I guess I really can't stay quiet on this one, as it's everywhere, and it's all about TRUST!

One of the interesting things about issues of trust is they make a HUGE MESS! Whether we know the details of what was going on or not, once something is out there, particularly something as big as Tiger's issue of infidelity, our expectations of that person change. We begin to doubt everything they say. We don't know what to believe, and even if they promise something different, or claim that nothing happened, it's too late - the negative expectation has set in and negative expectations are very, very hard to shift.

Some people won't care. Why is that? Why does this sort of thing really disturb some people and not others? It depends on their values and their needs, and what they were expecting in the first place. Some people will have written Tiger Woods off altogether, and won't want to know anything about him any more. Others will shrug their shoulders and get on with their own lives.

The stress, embarrassment, and reputational damage to Tiger will have taken a few years off his life, that's for sure.

What we all need to avoid is this kind of thing happening in our personal lives, and also in our businesses.

A breakdown of trust hurts and even after the initial mess is cleaned up, it leaves stains and scars.

An Obituary printed in the London TimesToday

2009-11-30T16:46:00.003+11:00

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;

- Why the early bird gets the worm;

- Life isn't always fair;

- and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Mother's Promise to her Son

2009-11-27T11:13:00.001+11:00

This still sits on my son, Lachlan's bedside table, framed and in pride of place where he can see it when he wakes up every morning (he put it there, not me!). I wrote this for him, framed it and gave it to him for his birthday about 7 years ago, and it is as true today as it was then.

A Mother's Promise to her Son

To my dearest Lachlan,

I promise I will:

Always be honest with you
Protect you from harm when I can
Give you freedom to learn and grow
Listen to your dreams with interest
Listen to your fears with concern
Hold you when you are sad
Laugh with you when you are happy
Share with you my experiences and lessons
Expose you to many wonders of this world
Teach you humility and compassion
Encourage you to be confident and love yourelf
Help you understand what you don't
Rejoice with you when you do
Watch you grow into a wonderful man
Always love you!

Truth or trust and Tom Cruise's new film

2009-11-25T09:59:00.002+11:00

"Knight & Day" will follow Tom Cruise's Milner, a secret agent who goes on a blind date with unlucky-in-love Cameron Diaz's June. Trapped in a journey to protect a powerful battery that holds the key to an infinite power source, they become fugitives and they must figure out whether to be guided by truth or trust. Directed by James Mangold, the action comedy movie is scheduled to be released on July 2, 2010. (Full story here)

I read this on one of my many Google alerts on truth and trust and thought this was interesting. What is suggested in the wording here is that there is a difference between truth and trust. In fact, they could be assumed here to be opposites.

Truth is as it suggests. We all want it, but sometimes it's confronting and it can hurt. Hiding from it is cowardice, and it gets you in the end!

Trust, on the other hand, from what I've found in the many times I talk with people about trust, is that it is often perceived as something you just do, blindly, with hope that all will be OK. That's what I call 'Blind Trust', but there is a better way to trust. Too many people blindly trust and don't take the time and take care to determine who and what to trust and when.

Blind trust most often leads to disappointment. Informed trust, brought about by understanding, is far less likely to cause the same level of disappointment and pain.

So, rather than deciding whether to choose truth or trust, choose both!

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How to break down the trust of your customers quickly and easily

2009-11-23T11:01:00.001+11:00

It would have been funny, if it wasn’t so sad. Rome airport, in desperate need for a cup of tea (Earl Grey, of course). Right next to our departure gate was a Chef Express, with some tables and chairs. The sign outside was clear – table service only. No takeaway. ‘That’s fine,’ I thought. I don’t want to wait in the queue anyway.

We sat down at the table. One young girl was rushing around looking flustered. ‘Table service only’ she said. ‘Yes please, can we have a menu.’ She practically threw the menus on the table. The lady at the table next to us glanced over and raised one eyebrow and gave us a half smile. She looked like she knew something we didn’t know.

We sat and waited for the young girl to come back to take our order. She flitted around the tables, wiping one, stacking some plates on the sideboard, mumbling to herself. Eventually she came over and we placed our order. She rushed off. It certainly was Chef Express from that perspective.

The lady next to us caught the girl’s attention and asked for her bill. She huffed and disappeared again, reappearing in a flurry and dropping the bill on the table. Our tea came, without milk. My husband Peter got her attention as she was rushing off. ‘Excuse me. Could I have some milk please?’ She gave him the death stare, flicked her hair and marched back into the kitchen.

The lady at the table next to us laughed. In broken English with a beautiful French accent said ‘I wouldn’t wait if I were you. She took 10 minutes to being me some sugar!’

Peter really wanted some milk, so each time the girl came past, he waved to her and pointed to his tea ‘Milk please?’ He said each time. She completely ignored him, coming back to other tables with their drinks and disappearing again. Peter drank his tea black.

A few people attempted to sit at the tables with their takeaway, only to be shooed away by the dragon lady. We watched with mild amusement as she continued rushing about, mumbling to herself, clearly not enjoying her job.

The lady next to us handed the girl her bill with a 5 Euro note, and waited for her change. No sign of the girl returning. In a rush back to scare off some more customers, the lady got her attention and asked for her change. At that point the girl almost screamed at the lady in Italian and marched off again.

The lady looked at us and said, with that lovely accent ‘She does not want to give me my change. She thinks I should give her a tip. Huh!’

The girl came back and slammed down a rather large pile of 1 cent pieces and said ‘Here is your change! It was hardly a decent tip anyway!’

OMG! Did she really think anyone would give her a tip when she was behaving so badly? Did she have any idea how uncomfortable and awful an experience her customers were having because of her behavior?

One of the biggest challenges for business is to recognize that one person in your organization can completely ruin your efforts to market and build trust with your customer base. Every person in your business needs to be actively building trust with your customers, not destroying it.

A cry for help from a young girl

2009-11-20T13:45:00.002+11:00

She was so cute. Maybe 7 or 8 years old. She was sitting next to my husband, Peter, as we flew from Frankfurt to Moscow recently. At the suggestion of her mother, sitting across the isle, she asked Peter if he would play a game with her. They played a few rounds of hangman. I think she won!

Peter asked her what they were doing in Moscow and she said she thinks her Dad had work there. She asked what we were doing, and Peter explained that I was going to present at a conference about trust. ‘Do you know what trust is?’ Peter asked her.

‘No, I don’t think so.’ she said. Peter asked ‘Do you trust me?’

She looked at him for a moment, frowned and said ‘I probably shouldn’t. I don’t know you.’ We explained that it was OK because her Mum had suggested she play a game with him.

She sat back in her seat and closed her eyes. Peter and I began talking. Then we looked over and in the book where they had been playing hangman she had written ‘Help…..help……help…….HELP….HELP. NO HELP’.

What the heck was that. My heart leapt into my throat. I remember those pleas as a child myself, when I needed help and no-one would listen. In a vain attempt I would want to reach out to anyone, a stranger, anyone who would listen. But then I didn’t know what to say. I just knew that things were not right and that I was scared in my own home.

How could we help this little girl? The announcement was made by the cabin crew that they plane was preparing to land. Peter quickly reached over and wrote in her book ‘Can I help you?’ She looked at him with eyes that were so deep and so sad, shook her head and closed her eyes.

Peter closed her book and helped her pack up her things. We sat and looked at each other. What do you do? I’ve never felt so completely helpless in all my life. Was it my place to probe? Was I just applying my own experience to her and misreading her pleas? Maybe she just didn’t want to go to Moscow and leave her friends, or maybe there was something more sinister going on.

What it has done is renewed my desire to help those in real need. To help find a solution for broken trust and fear in the home. To help educate mothers to know how to recognize the signs and then know what to do when they suspect something. To help women in abusive relationships, trust themselves enough to get out. This is where my heart is, and this is where I need to be.

Sure, we will continue to help build trust in the business world, but what is sad is that most business people don’t actually recognize that they need it. Individuals do. Mothers do. Communities and Nations do. I’ll go where I am most needed and respond to the cries for help.

Where do YOU think building and restoring trust is most needed?

Complete this short survey – I’m looking for 10,000 votes to help me dedicate my time and resources where they are most needed. Please help.

Can trust be bad for you?

2009-11-17T12:06:00.000+11:00

On my recent trip to Russia to begin to establish Entente Foundation’s pilot Trust Program in schools there, I was confronted with an interesting comment from a Russian school student.

One of the teachers who attended my presentation in Russia last year had already begun posing the question of trust in her class, asking students to define trust and to discuss it amongst themselves and at home.

She presented to me (in Russian, translated by an interpreter in English for me!) some of the discussion points and comments from her students.

While there was a general consensus that they felt that they needed trust, they also agreed that it as not something they or their parents had spent much time considering.

What disturbed me was that one student was quoted as saying ‘I think trust is a bad thing, because when you trust people they let you down and it hurts.’

When I say it disturbed me, what bothered me was that I think this is a commonly held view, certainly from what I see with all the Google Alerts I receive about trust issues around the world. But there is an essence of truth in what this student said. Yes, people let us down when we trust them. It happens to all of us, and we all actually do it to others. That is one of the core truths about trust. The real issue is that we are blindly unaware of this, and do not have the skills to determine who we can trust and when, and how to make sense of when trust has been broken.

That is exactly what I am all about – bringing a new awareness to the power and fragile nature of trust, and taking that into schools, communities, homes and businesses, so that we can change this attitude and recognize that trust is a good thing, but it needs to be handled with care.

Thank you – ‘You are the wind beneath my wings’

2009-11-12T08:55:00.001+11:00

I’ve just recently spent an amazing week with an amazing group of people. I am so grateful for Fusion International for inviting me to speak at their inaugural Global Transformation Conference for Entrepreneurs. I’ll actually share through my blog a number of stories that have emerged from this conference, and introduce you to some of these people I know regard as true friends and allies.

However, right now, I thought I’d share a few testimonials from these people, representing 9 countries, following my presentations on The truth about trust.

‘This course has shown me where I have derailed through my life by ripping the scars open and into the light. Thank you so much Vanessa, now I can heal my scars by the grace of God.’ Anne T

‘The only way I can describe the workshop on trust is that it made me face my weaker and darker self head on, while giving strength to my best self. In an amazing week, it was the most powerful moment for me.’ David C

‘I am touched by the process of trust, simple but profound. Thanks so much for what you have done to my life.’ Francis T

‘This has been one of the most profound and important seminars I have ever attended. It touches on the foundations of who we are, how we relate to others, how we manage our business and how we serve God. Thank you, Vanessa.’ Gordon E

I’d just like to publicly thank each and every one of the participants of the conference for restoring my faith in my work. The last few years have been an amazing journey, but it has had it share of mountains and valleys, or joy and tears. There have been times when I have almost given up, wondering how so many people can turn their back on such a fundamental issue and can ignore the amazing benefits of building and restoring trust in their own businesses, homes and communities. It turns out I’ve just been speaking to the wrong people, or at the wrong time.

While sharing my story and knowledge of trust, I was able to help just about everyone in that room, but at the same time their openness and now their desire to help me spread the message has lifted me higher and has given me new hope.

In the words of Bette Middler, you are the wind beneath my wings. Thank you, and God bless you all.

Procrastination or Protrustination

2009-11-10T10:04:00.005+11:00

Below is a discussion that I came across on a LinkedIn Group 'Working Moms' written by Emma Grey Director at WorkLifeBliss and Director at Inspiring Writers

I'm writing a workshop about time management at the moment.

So, I Google something about beating procrastination and notice an interesting link. I read that, do a self-test about internet addiction, check email, update facebook about my time-management progress, do a quiz on which 80s song describes my life (Girls' Just Wanna Have Fun) then look through 117 photos posted by a girl I went to school with, with whom I can't be sure I ever exchanged a word in real life. I check the news and weather, take the dog for a walk as it might rain, then I read an e-newsletter my friend sent me from her work which includes the 'interesting fact of the day' that some people have the ability to read and detect colours through their hands and feet, and next thing you know I'm on a virtual goose-chase of scientific and paranormal websites about extraocular vision.

Which brings me to this post about procrastination...

My Comment:

It really depends on how you look at it, if your goal is to maintain balance in your life, stay in touch with friends, expand your knowledge and get some exercise each day, then I'd say, Emma, you were not procrastinating at all. You were, in fact, acheiving all you set out to acheive. The key is to be really clear about who we are and why we are here, what our purpose is, and then trust that every experience is moving us towards that. If you are unclear, unaccepting, or do not trust that and fight against it, then you could be procratinating and not even know it! I've met plenty of busy people with 'good jobs' who are truly procrastinating because they are unhappy and are avoiding their true calling. Maybe I should create a new term to 'protrustinate.'

BRIC embracing trust

2009-11-05T12:13:00.002+11:00

Reading the Financial Times on my way from Germany to Kuala Lumpur, I saw a comment about BRIC, a concept by Mr. Jim O’Neill, Chief Economist at Goldman Sachs. BRIC, for those who haven’t heard of it, stands for Brazil, Russia, India and China, grouped together on the basis that they will overtake the world’s richest economies by 2050.

Interestingly, two of these countries have already opened their arms and hearts to the concept of building and restoring trust – Russia through its schools, with a number of them about to pilot our ‘Building Trust Program for Kindergarten to Year 6 next year, and China through the launch of The truth about trust in business The truth about trust in business by Oriental Press, China’s largest publishing house. Brazil and India may not be too far behind them.

While there is no doubt these countries are accumulating wealth and rapidly harnessing the power of their own resources, they are also realizing something that the western world seems too blind to see – that the true power lies in a future built on trust.

The domino effect of broken promises

2009-10-30T13:52:00.010+11:00

I was meeting up with some friends for breakfast the other day. We’d agreed to meet at 8.30am in the restaurant in the Hotel Cosmos we were all staying at in Moscow. It started as ‘Let’s meet at 8.00’ and turned into 8.30, which is late for me for breakfast, but I thought the later the better for them – at least I’d know they would be there on time.

8.30am sharp, I was in the restaurant with my husband, Peter. We sat at a table for 4 people, spreading our bags and coats over the chairs to reserve them. This was a busy restaurant and people would just lob up and sit at your table if it looked like it was available.

By 8.40am Peter decided to go an get his breakfast (it was buffet – self service). I decided to wait.

Two ladies came by and asked if the seats next to us were taken. ‘Sorry, we’re minding them for friends who are joining us soon.’ I said with a smile. The ladies wandered around the restaurant and eventually found somewhere else to sit.

By 8.50am I decided to get myself a cup of tea and something light, but I’d wait till our friends joined us before I would serve up a hot breakfast.

At 8.52am, while watching the door and looking at my watch, wondering where our friends were, a young girl came over and attempted to sit at out table. ‘I’m sorry, that seat’s taken’, I said and waved my hand in her direction. She picked up her things and moved on. Now I was feeling guilty.

The young girl wandered back over. ‘Truly, they are meeting us here. They are just running late.’ I said, shrugging my shoulders. She wandered off again, finding a seat just behind us.

‘How can they be this late?’ Peter and I were wondering. They were staying in the same hotel, so we knew they weren’t caught in traffic or anything like that.

At 9.00am I got myself some more breakfast. The two ladies who I first rejected kept looking over at our table and whispering something to each other. I could only assume they were saying dreadful things about us and how we wouldn’t let anyone sit near us.

At 9.15am we had finished our breakfast. No sign of our friends. As we had only just met them a few days before, we didn’t have their mobile numbers, and didn’t know what room they were in, or we would have tracked them down.

Then it happened. One of the two ladies came over to our table, stared at me and said ‘Hmm. minding seats for your friends, hey? I don’t trust you!’

I gasped. ‘But I’m the trust lady!’, I thought. That hurts! Two weeks later and I can still see her face and hear her words ringing in my ears. ‘But it wasn’t my fault!!’ I wanted to tell her. If I knew who she was, I’d find her just to tell her.

But it got me thinking (as many of life’s events do). There’s a domino effect to broken promises. We were taking action as a direct result of a promise made to us. When that promise was broken, it had a flow on effect to others that we were encountering and dealing with.

How often does this happen in business? In families? In communities?

How often does it happen in yours?

Epidemic of Global Anger

2009-10-07T12:28:00.003+11:00

I read Caroline Myss's Blog post on an Epidemic of Global Anger http://www.huffingtonpost.com/caroline-myss/an-epidemic-of-global-ang_b_310209.html where she so eloquently says "Our deeper truth is that we are in the midst of a collective faith crisis but it isn't with God; it's with humanity itself. We can no longer trust our common sense or humanity to keep our species alive much less safe and healthy."

Sharing her views, we continue to work at ways to bring about a new awareness to the importance, power and fragile nature of trust. To remind people that we, as humans, must trust each other. It is how we function on a day to day basis. We have simply forgotten that as we go about our daily business, there are a string of people relying on us, trusting us to do certain things in certain ways, to say things, to provide, support, love,encourage and empower those around us.

I believe we have to go right back to the basics. To teach our children how to trust, and how important it is to be trustworthy. It is that message that I take to Russia in just over a week, to a school system that is, hopefully, open to teaching their children tolerance and trust through a program we are rolling out across the world through the Entente Foundation, starting in Australia and Russia.

I can only hope that if we can catch the next generation on a new wave of trust and caring for humanity, we may still have the bright future we all wished for our children.

Trust shattered - picking up the pieces.

2009-10-06T10:33:00.001+11:00

Below is a letter which I wrote to Financial Review Magazine in relation to one of their articles posted on 2nd October.

I'm responding to a couple of pieces in Friday 2nd October's paper, namely 'A matter of complete trust shattered' and 'Compliance focus can stunt value', both of which are all about trust. On one hand we have a number of people who have blindly trusted and have had that trust betrayed, and on the other we have corporate boards who are blind to the fact that trust is the ultimate power source, and a loss of it their ultimate risk.

To those poor people who trusted Bradfield, my heart goes out to you. One of the things that you need to understand is the difference between liking someone and trusting them. Too many times we confuse the two and end up trusting someone we shouldn't have - they might be a nice person, but they were the wrong person to trust. You need to recognise that trusting someone is all about your ability to rely on them to deliver on your Expectations, your Needs and keep the Promises they made to you (what I call ENPs®). There are always warning signs when trust starts to break down, just as many of you reported (eg. information not to hand when they asked for it, Promised returns a little too good to be true). Sadly, you failed to listen to the warning signs until it's too late and your trust has been broken.

To directors on corporate boards, your focus right now should be on making sure your stakeholders can trust your organisation. What we have seen through the recent financial crisis is a lot of people being drawn to organisations that Promise big returns and big bonuses, but when the Expectations and Needs are not met, and when the Promises are not kept, everyone jumps. The financial crisis is, in fact, a TRUST crisis. It's not a debate about whether compliance is in or out, or a focus on business performance is in or out - the organisations that come out of this stronger and with a sustainable business model to move forward are those who focus on restoring trust with those shareholders, employees and customers who are right now feeling betrayed and broken.

Vanessa Hall - 'The Trust Lady'
Sydney NSW

What is Fear? An abscence of trust

2009-10-02T09:05:00.006+10:00

This is a question that I found from the LinkedIn Group 'The Philosophy Network'

What is Fear? What causes fear and how do we overcome it?

Fear is an abscence of trust.

That is, if trust is our ability to rely on a person (or people), an organisation, or a product or service to deliver a specific outcome (my definition of trust), and that specific outcome for all of us is that we want our Expectations met or managed, our Needs met and the Promises made to us kept (what I call ENPs in my books and work), then fear is an INABILITY to rely on the same.

Where there is fear, there is a sense that my Expectations will not be met (or I don't know what to Expect), my Needs will not be met, and the Promises made to me will not be kept.

Because our trust is fragile, and I represent it as an egg (it can break that easily), we fear placing our fragile trust in something that may, or is likely, to cause it to break.

It is actually a very good warning sign that either the person, organisation or product/service is not right for you to trust, or that you have negative Expectations or are seeking to have too many Needs satisfied from one source.

University studies say employers can break promises - I don't think so!

2009-10-01T11:39:00.008+10:00

Below is an article I came accross on LinkedIn, ofcourse with the article being about trust and not agreeing with what it said I commented back.

Break promises if you like but treat your workers well..
Promises are made to be broken – especially if you're the boss. Workers don't care so much about whether their employers deliver on specific promises, according to the latest research in organisational psychology. What matters most are the rewards and opportunities they end up getting, even if they were initially promised more.
Most psychologists have assumed that broken promises in the workplace spell serious discontent. But previous studies have tended to record workers' perceptions about such breaches, without determining what promises were actually made.
To disentangle perception from reality, Samantha Montes and David Zweig of the University of Toronto in Canada began by asking students to put themselves in the shoes of hypothetical job candidates.
Half the students were informed that the recruiter made seven specific promises – about bonuses, training, support with personal problems, and so on – while half were not. Then the students read about what had happened to the imaginary employees three years down the line, when the employer had delivered all seven inducements, five or them, or just three.
More than 550 students clearly understood the scenarios described, yet their perceptions of the situations were influenced more by the number of inducements given than by whether any specific promises had been made.

My Response
I read this article with interest, which quickly turned into concern. I believe these kinds of studies and their results have the potential to continue down the spiral of broken trust in a workforce that is already suffering. We are already seeing some of the lowest levels of trust in business around the world, so we certainly don’t need people believing it’s OK to break promises and contribute to that downward spiral.

Let me explain why I disagree with these findings and the subsequent statements:

1. Promises only matter to people if they match the Expectations and the Needs of the individual. We are all drawn to people who actually make Promises that meet our Expectations and Needs, and it is on the combination of those 3 things, what I call ENPs®, that we place our trust in others. Employers will often make general Promises in job ads and interviews that may not matter to some employees but will extremely matter to others. Some specific Promises made to one employee will absolutely matter and they will be drawn to them, other Promises will not matter at all and will frankly just go straight over their heads.

Example: If an employee is Expecting regular ‘on the job’ and external training, which fulfils a strong Need for Self Actualisation and constant learning, and they are Promised regular training, they will be very much drawn to that job, and will react negatively if that training is not delivered. It will be one broken Promise that could completely destroy that employees’ trust in their manager and the organisation.

However, if that same Employee was Promised a bonus, and they are not motivated by Safety and Security and money is not a major driver for them, they will still Expect it because it was Promised, but they do not Need it to any great degree. Therefore a broken Promise about a specific bonus will not bother them, they’ll be happy with whatever they receive – as long as they still get their training!

2. Most people will adjust their Expectations based on what they see going on inside or outside an organisation – difficult times, a downturn, a frugal manager, will all impact employees’ Expectations about the likelihood of initial Promises actually being met. We all adjust our Expectations subconsciously to protect our trust. This is, in fact, how most of us cope with politicians. We Expect that many of the things they Promise will not be delivered to the extent that they Promised, so we still maintain a sense of trust, provided our basic Needs are met.

3. If half-Promises are delivered and meet the lowered Expectations, employees will generally accept those if, and ONLY if, they still feel their Needs have been met.

What does this mean for employers? All employers must:

1. Understand the Expectations and Needs of their employees
2. Only make Promises that they are confident they can deliver
3. If Promises are made in good faith and things change, communicate the changes to employees – ie manage their Expectations
4. Be aware that those Promises made to employees where there is a distinct link between the Promise, the Expectation and the Need must be met, and if not, the trust will break down
5. Understand that you cannot make assumptions about what employees want
6. Know that only Promising and delivering ‘good conditions and rewards’ as Montes suggests will satisfy some employees, but definitely not all, and is a dangerous position to take for an employer that wants good performance and aims to be an employer of choice
7. Decide if they want to be a trusted organisation or not. There is no middle ground, and if organisations are not aware of how trust is being built or broken down, chances are they are breaking it down on a daily basis and are, right now, suffering the consequences of that breakdown.

If you agree with me, please feel free to follow this link and voice your oppinion:
http://www.linkedin.com/newsArticle?viewDiscussion=&articleID=69598386&anetScope=2139318&report%2Esuccess=PdmtybENV2mnc3t3p8JpWuFiB1ZhaD9OnKUphCsu7LRNRYTOK1wrHHO_rcDN0rVBb1wuxUyPL-SZ

Why do Marketing and Sales hate each other so much?

2009-09-15T07:42:00.003+10:00

Whenever we do work with any organisation, we want to know what 3Rs goals do they want to achieve. What Results do they want? What Retention levels do they want to improve? What Relationships do they want to improve?

9 times out of 10, one of the key relationships that the organisation wants to improve is between Marketing and Sales. Why do these 2 teams hate each other so much? They both want the same outcomes for the organisation, don't they?

Both are highly Esteem driven - they want respect, recognition and don't take criticism too well. This also means they are not too good on accountability. It's easier to point the finger at someone else than to take responsibility for something not quite working out the way they planned. Because both teams are like that, they clash, big time! Neither one wants to back down, to admit that maybe they need to review their practices - that would be admitting fault!

Now this is a generalisation, of course, and we have certainly worked with teams that have been brave enough to work together, to sort out their differences and to work for the common good of the organisation.

The key thing is this: there needs to be a common purpose, a reason why these two teams should work better together. Unless that is established, clear, and agreed, you are pushing you-know-what uphill!

Once that common purpose is set, then the need to be absolutely clear on what they each Expect of each other, what they Need, and what they are prepared to Promise each other, and take accountability for that. They need to be able to TRUST each other!

Is that possible? Yes it is. And when an organisation can take the plunge and make that work, it delivers straight to the bottom line.

7 truths about trust every people manager needs to know

2009-09-07T09:02:00.002+10:00

If you truly want to be a good, effective manager and you want your people to trust you, there are a few little (actually not so little) truths you need to know that will help you build trust with your people.

Why trust? Well, you are not going to get much out of your people if they don't trust you. However, we've proven time and time again that where there is trust in a team (and we actually define trust and measure it), there is also great performance - and that not only makes everyone work better together and feel better about being at work, it absolutely delivers to the bottom line (and that's really what most people in business want to get to).

So, here are the 7 truths about trust every people manager needs to know:

1. Your people are relying on you! The question is, what are they relying on your for? Trust is all about relying on someone or something to deliver a specific outcome. You need to know that they are not just there for the ride, but their performance as a team, and as individuals are directly related to how much they can rely on you, and it all comes down to 3 core things - Expectations, Needs and Promises (what I call ENPs)

2. Expectations are formed before they even start - what Expectations do your people have of you? Where did they come from? You will have created them in the job interview. The branding of the company would have created them, and so on. fail to meet their Expectations, and you have a problem on your hands.

3. People will always find ways to satisfy their Needs - we all do it, just mostly subconsciously. What Needs are each of your people seeking to have satisfied by you and by their work? Understanding these and meeting them is critical to your success as a manager.

4. You make Promises all the time - Yes you do! We all do. But when your people are relying on those Promises and you don't meet them, again, major problems. Being aware of what Promises you are making to your people is the start, and the minute you begin writing them all down, you'll be shocked at how many you make!

5. You need a two way contribution - many companies make a point of telling their employees what they Expect of their people, and what they Need, but very few find out what their people Expect and Need from them. The ones that take the time to follow a process of discovery and agreement (what I call Company Contribution Statements), are the ones that get great performance from their people.

6. Negative Expectations become self fulfilling - If you have people in your team who have negative Expectations about you and your company, you will have problems until you specifically address those. They become self fulfilling prophecies, and you don't need them. In fact, they will drag you and your team down.

7. You need to be a People Manager - too many good, technically competent people end up in a role where most of their time should be in managing people. If you have a team under you, you should be spending about 80% of your time managing those people to peak performance. It's what they Expect of you, and it's what your company Needs from you

If you want to know more, download the 7 truths about trust every people manager needs to know ebook, or eguide here.

Take care.

Vanessa

The dark side of trust

2009-08-31T10:39:00.002+10:00

Just as there are two sides to a coin, can there be two sides to trust? Is there a good side and a bad side, or 'dark side' as Martin Gargiulo suggests in his article here. He's talking about the trust placed in Madoff, now serving a 150 year prison term for defrauding investors in a $65b scheme.

I think we have to understand what was it investors were trusting him for, and how were they drawn to him to trust him. When we begin to understand that trust is our ability to RELY on a person, company, product or service to deliver an OUTCOME to us, and that OUTCOME is to:

meet or manage our EXPECTATIONS
meet our NEEDS, and
keep the PROMISES made to us

...then we must explore what was driving these people to Madoff. They obviously EXPECTED that he would manage their money well, and make them money. They were driven by the NEED for either SAFETY and SECURITY, or ESTEEM (making money makes them feel good about themselves). What exactly he PROMISED them, I'm not sure, but GOOD RETURNS would have to have been one of them. He made IMPLICIT PROMISES to them based on his background, who he was, and well he had performed in the past.

Whilever the PROMISES match our EXPECTATIONS and our NEEDS, we are drawn to the person making the PROMISES. So, yes, there is a trust relationship. It's usually formed at a subconscious level, with little understanding as to how the trust was formed.

BLIND TRUST comes about when well meaning and 'trusting' people place their trust very willingly in someone who PROMISES to meet their EXPECTATIONS and NEEDS, and does not think about whether this person has the capability of delivering on those PROMISES.

SCEPTICAL TRUST can go too far the other way, where the PROMISES are attractive, but we don't trust the person behind them, so we procrastinate and often either decide not to trust, or have constant doubts, and can miss opportunities.

Striking a balance between these two is key to trust working for all concerned. Knowing that there are certain qualities that make up a trustworthy person, and checking against those before we trust is also key. Those qualities are:

Open and Transparent
Honest and with Integrity
Genuine and Authentic
Courageous and Decisive
Reliable and Proven
Caring and Empathetic

A truly trustworthy person displays all these qualities in balance, and yes, it's hard to achieve that all the time. For someone like Madoff, there will have been one or two of these qualities that were out of whack, out of balance, that should have been a warning sign to those trusting him with their life savings.

Sadly, this is happening throughout the financial markets, and is something I'm personally moving to shake up. We need to bring about a greater understanding about how and why we trust people and organisations, and then equip people with the necessary skills and knowledge to make proper assessments about whether to place their fragile trust in that person, organisation, product or service, and if so, to what extent.

Gargiulo talks about people 'putting all their eggs in one basket', an analogy we are all used to, but interesting when you know that I use an egg as the metaphor for trust. We simply shouldn't put all our trust in one place unless we are damn sure they are going to protect it, and we should be checking in to make sure our trust is safe there - not in a sceptical, suspecting way, but in a way that simply acknowledges that trust is fragile and needs to be handled with care.

Is there a 'dark side' to trust? I think the dark side exists only because we have not shed enough light on the whole subject.

Let's talk about trust

2009-08-12T21:35:00.002+10:00

I find it fascinating that so many people talk about trust. Every day I receive Google alerts from around the world where people online are talking about trust.

It's in the news every day - 3 days ago it was India and China needing to develop 'strategic trust' over blocking development aid. http://www.thaindian.com/newsportal/uncategorized/china-for-building-strategic-trust-with-india_100229817.html

Every day there are issues in politics - Obama's broken promises, http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/promises/rulings/promise-broken/. Rudd's broken promises http://news.smh.com.au/breaking-news-national/rudd-must-honour-promise-on-hospitals-20090727-dy5g.html Can we trust them?

Then there are literally thousands of chat rooms, blog posts, Facebook and Twitter comments from individuals claiming they can no longer trust their partners, their children, their parents or friends.

What I haven't seen, and what I'm building, is a number of places and ways to get some answers, to become active and move beyond talking about trust to actually doing what we all want to do and that's to build trust, to restore trust, to repair broken relationships, to get trust back into a failing business world.

A big job? Absolutely!! But I'm dedicating my life to it, so watch this space. Better yet, join me.

Let's talk about trust - http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?topic=11725&uid=111595822549

It also starts with me

2009-07-01T15:20:00.002+10:00

I was just thinking as I completed my last blog that I hoped readers realised that I included myself in the 'It starts with you' comment.

My whole journey developing my expertise in trust was due to a wakeup call from my son. Check out an introduction to my presentation on The truth about trust in business, where I share the conversation that shook my world - http://www.youtube.com/TrustEntente.

You see, it starts with me, too!

Vanessa

It starts with you

2009-07-01T14:26:00.003+10:00

I was out with my son the other day and we walked past a pile of rubbish.

'Why is this place such a mess?' he asked, as he waved his hand towards the rubbish.

'Because you just walked past it, that's why.' I replied.

'But I didn't put it there!' He was quite incredulous.

'No, but if you picked it up, what a difference that would make.' I said, with a smile.

It reminded me of how often we wave our hands in disgust at things going on in the world. How easy it is to point the finger of blame, but not take a moment to ask ourselves if:

1. we might have played a role in it somehow, and
2. we could do something to make a difference

I am constantly amazed at the number of trust issues that come up, from all around the world. In the US right now, it's all about US Senators admitting to extramarital affairs. In the UK, it's politicians abusing expense accounts, in Australian politics it's lies and accusations about emails. And that's just trust issues in politics, and there are plenty more of those!

Every day I receive alerts about trust issues, breakdowns in relationships, betrayal, lies, people constantly crying out because their trust has been betrayed in some way. It's sad.

But here's the thing. I challenge you to look inside yourself, for we have all been, at some point, the one responsible for breaking the trust of another. It is easy to wave the hand, point the finger at others, but if we look, just for a moment, and think about it, maybe we're contributing to the global decline of trust.

Just as we are all slowly beginning to do our bit to help the environment, recycling our paper, turning the lights out, finding more economical ways to travel and reducing our carbon footprint, we also need to each be doing our bit to reduce the rubble, the collateral damage, that a breakdown of trust causes in all of our lives each day.

If you want a more trusting society, be more trusting yourself. If you want your children to develop trusting relationships when they are older, trust them. If you want your shareholders to trust you, be trustworthy. If you want your customers to trust you, extend your trust to them. If you want your employees to trust in your leadership, trust them.

It starts with you.

Frustration - a clear sign that trust is breaking down!

2009-05-05T22:18:00.004+10:00

I have been having a real experience with my own model for trust (as I do every day, actually), but in this instance it has been around technology.

Let me explain - As I travel a lot more now, I decided to take the plunge and join the techno cool group with my new iPhone. Unfortunately, my Outlook Calendar and email can't sync with my iPhone due to some way I have my emails set up. My email service provider was unable to correct it, so at the advice of a friend, we eventually decided to set up a Gmail account, which works nicely with the iPhone.

Simple? Nooooooo. I have had every problem under the sun, including now, because I email a lot, and attach documents, articles, proposals, and cc others, Google have now decided that I must be spamming people and have booted me off my email for 24 hours til I 'settle down my activities!!' Prior to that, it was allowing some emails and failing to deliver others. I've had deadlines to get proposals out, get my article to Readers Digest on this year's most Trusted Brands from their survey, and so on. I think I've turned a little grey these last few days, but trying very hard to keep my cool and act with decorum.

So, here's what has happened from a trust perspective:

1. My expectations - as with most things, I always assume everything will be easy. I get caught out on this one a lot! My mantra for many years has been 'It can't be that hard!' I assumed in this case that getting the whole phone thing working would be relatively easy and I'd scoot off to the US shortly with the technology down pat.

2. My needs - I'm driven by Esteem and Self Actualisation for most things. I don't like looking stupid, or incompetent, and I just want to get on with getting my message out there, and living my purpose

3. The promise - the guy in the Vodaphone store assured me that the iPhone would easily sync with Outlook, and I'd be up and running in no time. My friend also assured me that this would be the best thing I've ever done in my life.

The outcome? A lot of unmet expectations, needs and unkept promises = broken trust = frustration

What now? Unfortunately for me, I can't go and sit on a mountaintop and refuse to use technology, so I'm forced to trust it to some extent, but I do it reluctantly and with much fear and trepidation. Thankfully, I'm also the eternal optimist and am convinced that it will all work out for me and technology, and my friend, will be redeemed!

The Global Trust Crisis

2009-03-26T16:28:00.000+11:00

The media is calling it a Global Economic Crisis, but when I look around I see a Global TRUST Crisis.

We have simply forgotten how to trust. We have forgotten just how powerful trust is, how quickly it can break down, and the pain and destruction caused by a breakdown of trust.

What we are seeing right now is the consequences of greed, lack of accountability and selfishness of too many business leaders - all stemming from a lack of understanding of just how intricate and finely balanced the trust of all their stakeholders really is. They have broken the trust of the very people they were trusted to serve and lead.

It's time to take a stand. It's time to get a handle on what is really going on here.

If you are a business leader, or you run your own business, become a true leader and learn how to trust and be trusted. It is the true secret to securing your future.

The time to trust is NOW.

Survival of the trustworthy

2009-03-15T22:33:00.002+11:00

Leo D'Angelo Fisher wrote for Australia's Business Review Weekly (BRW) February 5 - 11 2009, a piece on Survival of the Trustworthy, stating that 'Trust is the cornerstone of true leadership and managers who have it can move mountains.' He goes on to say 'Managers and executives who have earned the trust and respect of staff, who are admired for their fairness, empathy and integrity, will be the key to attracting and retaining an organisation's most valuable talent. Let's hope there are enough of these managers to go around.'

I couldn't have put it better myself. I actually know there are very few managers who know how to build trust – the ultimate skill to truly survive these difficult times.

In my experience, having dedicated my business to the sole focus of teaching leaders and individuals about trust, it’s an overused word that is grossly under-practiced.

Right now, organisations are breaking down trust with employees (those being shown the door, but also those left behind), customers, shareholders and the broader community. Understandably, difficult decisions must be made right now, but how those decisions are executed will make or break trust.

What leaders and managers need to remember is that everything cycles – at some point things will turn around and they will be re-hiring. When trust is broken, people hurt, and they tell everyone about it! The reputational risk is massive. The employees who are left have lost trust and respect for the leadership, and customers and shareholders are nervous.

Breaking trust is the easy option, and unfortunately one that too many leaders are choosing as the default. Those who choose to ignore its huge long term impact, do so at their own peril.

Building trust takes courage, skill and an understanding of its duality – its power and its fragility.

It’s trust or bust!

Website to track promises

2009-01-25T14:12:00.003+11:00

I receive a daily Google alert linking me to all published stories about trust, promises, relationships, and so on. When I got this one, I had mixed views.

Link to the full story here http://your4state.com/content/fulltext/?cid=50522

Website Tracks President Obama's Promises To The Nation
Reported by: Jackie Cutler
Wednesday, Jan 21, 2009 @07:28pm EST

FREDERICK, MD - President Barack Obama has been in office less than a week, and although his presidency is a sign of change, many are wondering how much change he'll really bring.His promises range from more jobs, to better education, to less loopholes for big corporations.In total he's made more than 500 promises, and now a website called politifact.com is helping you keep tabs on all of them.Using an Obameter, the website lists all of the promises, which ones he's kept as well as which promises he's broken.So far President Obama has only kept two: appointing a Republican to his cabinet and changing a capital gains tax law.Still, some in the four-state region say perhaps more important than keeping his promise is the energy his presidency brings.If you would like to keep track of President Obama's promises, click here.

I thought - Ok, that's great that people are actually tracking the promises made by a politician, especially one as influential and critical to the world economy as Obama.

But then I thought - Hmmm. How would I feel if there was a website tracking all MY promises??!!

How would YOU feel?

Good intentions don't build trust

2009-01-05T10:24:00.001+11:00

You know the saying "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." What's interesting is when you really think about this. Why is this so?

With the ENP Wall® entente's trust model, I talk about making promises - both implicitly and explicitly. I also talk about expectations and needs. Good intentions, like "we'll catch up", "let's do lunch", "my new year's resolution is to stop smoking", "we should spend more quality time together" - whatever we say to make people or ourselves feel better, are actually promises we're making. They create expectations in people's minds, including our own, and they satisfy our core needs. So, we believe them. We trust them. Unless of course we know it's just talk, in which case we lose even more respect for them every time they say it, including losing respect for ourselves.

Even if the good intentions really were meant, if they don't eventuate, the wall comes crashing down or the trust is chipped away or cracked.

Good intentions don't build trust. Seeing them through, carrying them out, delivering on them - that's what builds trust!

What did we expect?

2008-11-30T10:08:00.001+11:00

Trust. Ever increasingly becoming the topic of discussion, and especially in these uncertain and disturbing economic times.

But, I have to ask one question, and we should just think about this for a minute. What were we expecting?

As trust is about relying on people, companies, products and services to deliver an outcome to us, what outcome did we trust in others, in the markets to deliver? What was promised to us that drew us to that place of comfort and trust that made us maybe a little too complacent?

If we are expecting constant and consistent growth with no downside, then we are all in la-la land. There are cycles. Remember, what goes up must come down. Everything ultimately balances out - always. It's the two sides of a coin, the yin-yang. Life is about balance.

Should we expect 'bad' things to happen? No. But I do believe we should expect that sometimes things go well and sometimes not so well.

We should know that ultimately we will be okay - maybe not the way we expect, but our needs will be met, and anyone who promises that things will always be a bed of roses frankly does not deserve to be trusted.

Lest we forget

2008-04-09T22:28:00.003+10:00

I've not posted anything for a few weeks, which now seems a bit slack. What I have been doing is responding to an amazing response to the PR we are currently doing in the lead up to The truth about trust in business hitting the bookstores on 1 May in Australia.

While on one hand I obviously think it's great that there is such a huge interest in the concept of trust, there is also a part of me that is surprised that, across the globe, we have actually forgotten just how critical this 'trust' thing is to all of us.

Like the air that we breathe, like the concerns for global warming, environmental issues, it seems to me that, in all our cleverness, speed and advancement, we have lost site of and forgotten how to care for the very things that sustain us.

Just as we need the basics to survive as a human race - air, water, food - so we also need trust. Why? Because trust is our ability to rely on each other. No man is an island they say. We must be able to rely on others to survive, whether we are relying on the transport to get us to work, our employers to continue to pay us, our partners to love us, our children to behave, our friends to support us - we need trust.

This is why I am now so busy, and it's only the tip of the iceberg!

Check out the new entente website at www.entente.com.au.

Take care

Vanessa

Trusting others is risky business

2008-02-14T13:59:00.003+11:00

I saw this article the other day (see http://blogs.cjonline.com/index.php?entry=6391) that caught my eye. Why do we feel that trusting others is risky?

The whole thing about trust is that is all about our ability to rely on others (and sometimes its about relying on ourselves). If we are relying on others and they let us down, the response can go from mild disappointment to full-on violence, and the response is largely dependent on how important the whole thing was to us, and whether we come from a blind trust or a sceptical trust base.

What we often do, though, is we trust others without telling them:

1. that we are, in fact, trusting them, relying on them
2. what we are trusting in them to do
3. how important that is to us

If we don't articulate these things, then the risk is huge. If we do take the time to articulate these things, we also give the other person the opportunity to let us know if they want to take that on. Can they truly promise to deliver that for you? If not, then you're trusting the wrong person.

Trust is a two way thing, and some of us will blindly trust and often be let down, others will hold back from trusting others and will miss out on great opportunities and wonderful relationships.

Yes, trusting others can be risky, but as they say in financial cirles, the greater the risk, the greater the return! Just make sure you communicate first!

Rudd keeps his promises

2008-02-14T13:41:00.003+11:00

I've always found it interesting that there are so many pre-election promises made. We know why they are made - because the more a certain party's promises appeal to us, the more likely we are to vote for that party.

In Rudd's case, he appears to be doing a pretty good job so far in keeping those promises (see http://news.theage.com.au/rudd-outlines-progress-on-promises/20080213-1s3a.html).

What makes any politician or political party think they can make promises and then not keep them? Core or non-core!

My company, Entente Pty Limited (http://www.entente.com.au/) ran a survey across Australia in 2006 to find out, amongst other things, what was the key to building trust. Entente's model for trust focusses on 3 core things - managing expectations, meeting needs and keeping promises. Of these three things, keeping promises came out way on top.

When promises are made by another person, company (or in this case, political party) product or service, we subconsciously make a connection between the promises made and the needs that we have (be they basic needs for survival, for safety and security, for health, education, affordable housing, etc). If the promises made sound like they are going to meet our needs, we then expect those things to happen, and we place our trust in that person, company, party, product or service.

When the promises are broken, as they often are, our trust also breaks down. When trust breaks down, we usually choose to go somewhere else, use a different product, or vote for a new party.

Let's hope, for Rudd's sake, that he continues his run and keeps honouring those promises. I did send him a copy of my book 'The truth about trust in business' in the hope that he reads it - fingers crossed!

Vanessa

Dr Phil's betrayal of trust?

2008-01-26T11:20:00.000+11:00

I don't profess to know the in's and out's of the recent Britney Spears drama, but what jumped out at me in the news reports was the fact that the Spears family was reportedly claiming Dr Phil had 'betrayed their trust' by making a public comment about Britney following a visit to her in hospital.

The question here is what were they trusting him for? If they had trusted him as a friend (as he is reported to have known the family for a few years), it appears he acted as any friend would - he went to visit her. If they were trusting him as someone who could help her, he made an attempt to do that, too.

When any of us have this feeling that someone has betrayed our trust, and we all have them at different times in our lives, what we need to reflect on is 3 core things:

1. what did I expect?
2. what did I need?
3. what did they promise me?

Often what we become aware of is that our expectation may have been unrealistic, our need/s may have been something that the other person had no ability to meet (ie we trusted the wrong person), or that they promised something and did not keep it. It might be a combination of all these things, or it may be just one that applies. In any case, not meeting these ENP's as I call them, is actually how trust breaks down.

In Dr Phil's case, the Spears family may have had a need for privacy, and expectation that anyone involved would respect that, but Dr Phil may never have actually promised that (albeit he would be bound by confidentiality due to his position). And from what I've read, it doesn't look like he actually disclosed anything other than the fact that he had been there to help her.

Wherever possible in our relationships, we need to get into the habit of clarifying and articulating our expectations and needs, and making sure that the people we are involved with and interact with are able to promise to meet those. If they can't, then we're trusting the wrong people.

Promises made

2008-01-26T10:51:00.000+11:00

I was reading a recent article about the Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf who reportedly (reported by Associated Press) was making promises in DAVOS, Switzerland that national elections scheduled for next month would be "free, fair and transparent," dismissing fraud concerns and brushing off criticism over his dismissal of the Supreme Court chief justice.

The interesting thing about promises is that, the greater the need, the more likely we are to believe the promises made by others - especially if the promises connect with our greatest needs.

In this case, to not keep these promises could plunge Pakistan into the same violence we are seeing in Kenya - IF the pakistani people feel the need to ensure that there truly is fairness and transparency in the elections.

None of us like to be lied to - honesty is a need that exists in most, if not all of us, to varying degrees. But if the consequences of some kind of trickery or fraud in any election or selection process (political or business related), are that an ineffective leader wins the seat, or worse, a leader that drives economic and social decline, then we have a serious problem.

What I've observed, though, is that often it is not the consequences themselves that cause the distress and tension (and in Kenya's case, rioting and violence). It is the fact that the promises were broken.

Keeping promises is the quickest and easiest way to build trust, and NOT keeping them is the quickest way to break trust. And when trust is broken, watch out - things can get pretty nasty.

Trust Me

2008-01-18T08:56:00.000+11:00

I have a song called 'Trust Me - Famous words' that I wrote in response to so many people that think it's OK to just 'assume' trust. I actually sing a part of it in my keynote speech!

I saw, today, that one mining company appears to be saying just that - 'Trust me', to shareholders over a cash offer. http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,23068783-16941,00.html

While they might rightly feel that they do not need to provide evidence to support their rejection of the offer, no-one has the right to assume trust - it needs to be earned. Not just earned generally, but situationally.

What does that mean? It means that we assess our ability and willingness to trust someone (a person, a company, a group of people, a product or a service) based on how much we can rely on them to deliver what we expect, what we need and what they have promised us (implicitly or explicitly). What we often do is assume that, because we we were trusted in one situation, that we can automatically expect them to trust us in other situations. This is where trust comes tumbling down.

Evidence, proof that it's OK to trust me, is needed every time the situation is different. If the directors of Allegiance have been in this situation before, or something similar, and their decision faired well, then sure, shareholders could trust the decisions this time around. But shareholders will first think about their needs - is this offer going to satisfy those? If so, why is it being rejected? If the reasons are not clearly outlined, then some shareholders may very well begin to distrust Allegiance, regardless of how well they may have managed the business to date.

This is a great example of remembering that trust is earned, and should be respected and nurtured - always remember ENPs.

What do they expect?
What do they need?
What have I promised them?

War for talent a dangerous time for companies

2008-01-15T17:12:00.000+11:00

http://www.news.com.au/business/story/0,23636,23054780-5012426,00.html

The ongoing war for talent is now looking at setting wage increases, and companies are already beginning to promise more benefits in an attempt to attract staff.

The danger? Breakdown of trust by not managing ENPs (that's Expectations, Needs and Promises in my language). This is just the time when companies begin to make all sorts of promises, raise expectations of potential employees, and tap into their greatest needs to attract them - and then what? They fail to deliver.

The number one reason people leave organisations is because their expectations have not been met. And they decide real quick - most within the first week, and certainly by the end of the first month.

In my experience, companies seem to think that telling the truth will somehow put them out of the race - what the heck makes them think that lying is a better option? The thing is, you get found out by the very people you were trying to attract! So then retention becomes the next problem - we get the people, but we can't keep them. Why? Because you broke their trust. Their expectations were not met, the promises you made to them were not kept, and their needs were not met, or at least it was all looking like the wall was crumbling down.

The thing is, when people's ENPs are looking unstable, they bail out. The greater their need, the quicker they get out of the situation.

If you are an employer looking to not only attract, but also to retain your people, you seriously need to think about what expectations you are creating, what needs you are meeting, and what you are promising - can you actually meet all those? If not, think again.

Honesty is always the best policy, even if the job means long working hours, or a small desk, whatever. You will attract the right people, not just anyone, to the job. If you need to offer more, be damned sure you can keep your promises, or you'll lose out in the end.